"I know why my teeth are yellow"

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The other day after Elijah had supposedly already brushed his teeth I decided to verify his story and checked out his teeth. "You're teeth are looking a little yellow," I told him as I pulled his lip over his nose, inspected his pearly not-so-whites and brushed away furiously.

"So are yours," he replied ever so innocently. Then he said, "I know why mine are yellow."

"You do? Why?"

"Because I eat my ear wax. And my eye boogies."

I about fell over and died right there.

"ELIJAH! That is so disgusting. So gross. Don't ever do that again!"

"It tastes really good," he says with his little boy grin.

"Aghh. Elijah don't do that. That can make you sick."

"It can?"

"Yes."

I tried not to over react, but I was dying inside. I wanted to call Poison Control or 911.

Later that day I wanted to be sure that he knew that ear was and eye crusties were not an option for snacking.

"Elijah, you know not to ever eat your ear wax and eye boogies again right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because... because.... it is just so gross and disgusting!"

"Is that it? Is that the only reason?" he said as if that would not be enough to stop him.

A million responses scurried across my brain. But they were all lies. I thought of telling him that it could kill him, but I thought that might be too extreme. I had already told him it could make him sick and I am not really sure if that's entirely true.

So I opted for the ol' answer the question with a question. I didn't want him to think that "because it's gross" was the only reason so I said, "Isn't that reason enough?"

My lovely boy responded with a resounding, "Nope.

In hindsight, I could have told him that if he continued that kind of behavior he would have no friends in school and would end up living by himself in a shack in the mountains with 166 cats. Oh well. There's always tomorrow.

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