First let me put a disclaimer here: This is not for those who are grossed out easily. This is not for those that think pregnancy is pretty. This is not for those who have had "great" pregnancies and think it is a beautiful thing. And I know many of you are desperately trying to get pregnant and it is not happening. And you know I am praying for you ... praying that when you do get prego, it is much different than my experiences. But I know people are not seeking pregnancy, but the babies and funny toddlers that eventually make their way down the chute. And if this post doesn't seem to upbeat, then buzz off. Just kidding kind of. It is my attempt at looking at the positive side of pregnancy. Look how many people I can now empathize with and relate to. What I have always wanted.
1. Now I can relate to bulimics - at least on a physical level. Yes, still throwing up on a regular basis.
Just ask Lydia.
2. Now I can relate to women in menopause who have hot flashes. Shiloh says it is "freezing" in the house (and he wears flip flops and shorts year round) and I am sleeping with a cold wet wash cloth on my neck.
3. Now I can relate to men with beer bellies and the back pain they must feel on a daily basis. But I cannot understand why they are not motivated to LOSE THAT BELLY!
4. Now I can relate to older women who have incontinence as I often throw up so hard it makes me pee at the same time. AWWWWKWARD!
5. Now I can relate to those with heartburn or acid reflux.
6. Now I relate to clinically depressed, bi polar and completely emotionally unstable people ... like my Mom. Just kidding Mom. Just wanted to check and see if you were reading this.
7. Now I can relate to Debbie Downer from SNL. But at least the skits are funny, right?
8. Now I can relate to people with ... before pregnancy, I had heard of hemorrhoids ... now they dictate how much I can sit or stand each day.
9. Now I can relate to overweight people who breathe way heavier. I can hear myself breathe like a fat person when I go to bed... or when I walk up stairs. Is that offensive?
10. Now I can relate to people who just say what they think - with no filter. Okay, so I didn't really struggle to relate to those people before pregnancy. By nature, I am one of those jerks, but when I am not pregnant I really try and work on that. You know, I try to be more sensitive and stuff.
I can't believe I still have friends.
Here is a photo of me from today. 36 weeks and 3 days along. Whoa Bessy.
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Welcome friends, family, randoms, lurkers, blog addicts, fellow desperate moms, and Bono. This blog consists of mostly funny stuff that will make you feel better about yourself. Lots of mom comedy, non-Kodak moments, and un-fashion tips. On Wednesdays I write about my life as a former childhood actress complete with posts about how the entertainment business works, actors I met (or stalked), people and animals I worked with, my Hollywood friends, and photos of former teen heartthrobs. And if that’s not enough to draw you in to follow me . . . I have done some amazing giveaways. A rubber chicken, millions of doll hairs, and unlimited supplies of air. Come join the party.
