Super Bowl Warm Up

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Have you Seen this? The NFL Bad Lip Reading?
Hilarious.
Elijah quotes it. So should you.
I accept you.

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My Church is like "The Office"

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 I love my church for so many reasons, but this video is one of them.
If you like smiling or the show The Office, please watch this video.
CSTONE OFFICE SHORT from The Zone Children's Ministry on Vimeo.

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Neck Tattoos and Storage Wars

Pin It Now! We went to San Diego for Christmas. And I have some pictures to prove it. Including a spider tatt on Elijah's neck. Because nothing says San Diego or Christmas like a neck tattoo.

Elijah learned the real "f" word on vacation from our cousins' cousin. Thought you should know.

Shiloh and I discovered Storage Wars on vacation. We loved it and watched many episodes.

Jordis is throwing up today.

Elijah and Lydia go back to school tomorrow.

I have a cat sitting on me right now.

Shiloh and I watched Midnight in Paris last night. It was unique. Entertaining.

Next week I am teaching at our college group and women's Bible study at my church.

I am getting my hair done today and I might come home with dark brown hair.

And that's all the random thoughts I have for today.

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Our Switchfoot History

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Any Switchfoot fans out there?

In honor of Jon Foreman's (lead singer of Switchfoot) birthday today . . .

Last week Shiloh and I went to San Fran to see our favorite band in concert. We have seen them in concert a lot and have been fans for a long time. Some things you should know about our Switchfoot history in case there is ever a quiz where the prize is a million dollars:

1. When my husband was a youth pastor (over 10 years ago) we took the kids to a Switchfoot concert at a church in San Francisco and there were only about 40 people there. Now they have sold out shows and Grammys.

2. When I was pregnant with baby Faith my husband heard the song "On Fire" somewhere online before the Beautiful Letdown album was released. And it really moved him during this difficult time in our lives. (Faith had Trisomy 13 and we did not know if she would make it to birth. She did and lived 4 days and then she ditched us for heaven.) We had a friend who was friends with Jon Foreman. I will share the whole story another time, but Jon sent us the pre-release of Beautiful Letdown when he heard of our situation and how much the song "On Fire" really spoke to my husband.

3. Elijah used to be a diehard Switchfoot fan. When he was only 2 years old he knew all their songs, the names of the guys in the band, and which instruments they played. And he loved to watch their DVDs and mimic their mannerisms. So we took Elijah to a Switchfoot concert when he was just 25 months old. He got to meet them all after the show. I think they were pretty impressed with his devotion. While he was talking to one of them he pointed and said "There's Chad. He plays drums."

4. Elijah is still a fan, but not as hardcore as he was back when I video taped his reaction when I told him we went to a Switchfoot concert without him. And he doesn't use his Wiggles guitar to perform "Awakening." And he doesn't have concerts setting up his toys as guys in the band while shouting out "Put Your Money."

5. Back in March Jon Foreman sang at our friend's surprise renewing of vows ceremony. I met him and his wife briefly and was able to thank them for how they blessed us when we were pregnant with baby Faith. They remembered.

------

Here is a clip from their recent San Francisco show when Jon was climbing on the railing in front of us. I think I might have caught some of his sweat and I have not brushed my teeth since or put on deodorant since.

Here are the lyrics from their title song and my favorite off their new album Vice Verses, which I highly recommend. And so does Taylor Swift.

Walking along the high tide line
Watching the pacific from the sidelines
Wonder what it means to live together?
Looking for more than just guidelines

Looking for signs in the night sky,
Wishing that I wasn’t such a nice guy
Wonder what it means to live forever?
Wonder what it means to die?

[Chorus]
I know that there's a meaning to it all
A little resurrection every time I fall
You got your babies, I got my hearses
Every blessing comes with a set of curses
I got my vices, I got my vice verses
I got my vice verses

The wind could be my new obsession
The wind could be my new depression
The wind goes anywhere it wants to
Wishing that I learned my lesson

The ocean sounds like a garage band
Coming at me like a drunk man
The ocean tells me a thousand stories
None of them are lies

[Chorus]
I know that there's a meaning to it all
A little resurrection every time I fall
You got your babies, I got my hearses
Every blessing comes with a set of curses
I got my vices, I got my vice verses
I got my vice verses

Let the pacific laugh
Be on my epitaph
With it's rising and falling
And after all, it's just water
And I am just soul
With a body of water and bones
Water and bones

Where is God in the night sky?
Where is God in the city light?
Where is God in the earthquake?
Where is God in the genocide?

Where are you in my broken heart?
Everything seems to fall apart
Everything feels rusted over
Tell me that you're there

[Chorus]
I know that there's a meaning to it all
A little resurrection every time I fall
You got your babies, I got my hearses
Every blessing comes with a set of curses
I got my vices, I got my vice verses
These are my vice verses
These are my vice verses

Yeah
These are my vice verses

----

Anyone else have Vice Verses? What's your favorite song off the album?

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Rescued Squirrels Update

Pin It Now! So many of you have asked (not true) how our rescued squirrels are doing.
I think they are doing just fine.

We caught them planking.

And drinking water from the tupperware I put out for them. Pathetic, I know.

And hopefully just wrestling . . .

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Bloggers are Weird

Pin It Now! I don't know about you, but most of my real life friends don't have a blog. Or read blogs. Therefore, I meet up with strangers who blog and they become real life friends. Not creepy at all.

Tuesday night we had a meet. Mel and I are neighbors and I knew her husband when Guess jeans with zips on the ankle were awesome. Seeing her was a thrill, but not a risk to my well being.

I met Jessica from bloggy/twitter world and we have a bunch of mutual friends. So I didn't bring my pepper spray when we met up for dinner a few months ago. We liked each other and so met up again and she brought Kim. And since Jess brought Kim, I figured there would be no crimes committed at dinner. Safe.

I met Keri of Forever Folding Laundry a year ago at Mel's house when the Project 320 girls were in town. Again, safe bet. Women getting together to bring clean water to needy children are probably not serial killers. They just break pregnant ladies' water.

So the only person I didn't know on Tuesday night was Denise from Victory Rd. I didn't even know she was coming. Should I have brought a firearm? Perhaps. Cuz she busted out with Loud Denise at Cold Stone Creamery. Just kidding. It was hilarious. I loved her. And I introduced her to cake pops so I'm kinda on a self-esteem high right now.

Here we are at dinner, but you must hop over to Victory Rd to check out Denise's vlogging of our evening.

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Squirrely Seven

Pin It Now! I changed high schools five times because of my acting stuff. Can anyone top that?

But part of my freshman year and my entire senior year I spent at one high school.

The Squirrely Seven (we named ourselves that because . . . well we are not quite sure why) are the girls who I hung out with the most my senior year. I had been friends with most of them since elementary school. We had a ton of fun my senior year together and it was great to come back from Hollywood to graduate high school with them.

Here we are in high school our senior year before a dance.

Here are Toby and I at UCLA our freshman year in 1993. We were roommates for several years. We call each other Chachi because we can.

Here are Kendall and Kendra at my wedding in 1998.

And here are four of the seven squirrels now - Professor Kendall, Pregnant Toby, Chiropractor Kendra, and me. We had a little get together at my parents' house yesterday. Because of life and kids and where we live, we don't see each other often so it was so fun to reconnect with my squirrels! Love these gals.

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The Squirrel Revolution

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Lady pulls up to my house. Gets out of her car. Starts casing the joint. If it weren't for her age (65+) and her squirrel sweatshirt I would have been nervous. She then identified herself, "I'm from the wildlife museum and we are trying to relocate some baby squirrels who we rescued from an attic nearby. We like to keep them in the same neighborhood. Do you have good trees in your backyard?"

Heck yes.

"Do you have any dogs?"

No cuz we have been waiting for years to host rescued squirrels.

She surveyed my backyard. It was perfect for them squirrels. We were the chosen ones. She fostered the babes in her home and her squirrel cage for two more weeks until they were ready to be released into the wild of my backyard.

Then she came back to my house with five squirrels and her posse (two other senior citizens) ready to place the nesting box on our big redwood.

They readied their equipment - duct tape, ropes, and bungee cords.

They set up their high-tech pulley system.


I do apologize for not getting a close up the squirrel sweatshirt, but look closely.

Victory! Rosie the squirrel emerged. See that tail? That's a squirrel tail. Bet you never seen one of those before. You're welcome. You can come visit my rabies yard and see our rare, attic-born, rescued, foster raised squirrels anytime. For five dollars.

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My Cousin's House got Tornadified in Joplin

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I am sure you have all heard and/or been affected by the recent tornadoes. Especially the big daddy one in Joplin. We have cousins there. Jimmer and Shane. And their families. If you have ever read my testimony on my wendyhagen.net website then you read about cousin Shane. He was instrumental in leading me to faith in Jesus. Shane and Linn lost just about everything -- house, clothes, cars, stuff, shoes, checkbook, unpaired socks (cuz I think we all average about 15 of those, right?), photos, two computers . . .

Here is the amazing thing - no one was hurt.

The sirens went off. They thought no big deal. But Shane stepped outside and heard thunder like he had never heard before. Then turned on the weather station. Grabbed nothing and headed for their closets. This all happened in two minutes.

Shane and Linn huddled down in one closet and his daughter, son and his friend huddled in another while the house basically caved in on them. Oh the terror. I cannot believe they survived this when their house looks like this. Thank you God!

And this is his car. It used to be a red ferrari :)

Tornado lasted for about 4 or 5 minutes. Shane and Linn were stuck and it was silent. Did not hear their children for about 4 minutes. Shane said it was the worst feeling of his life. All he could think was I sent them to the wrong closet. They should have been in this one. Finally he heard voices. Relief. Lexi pushed her way out of the closet and screamed for help. The neighbor came and got Shane and Linn out. Shane and Linn were only stuck for about 15 minutes. Then they helped other neighbors.

Thankfully, Jimmer's house was not affected by the tornado and he was able to come get Shane and his family and take them to his house. Total blessing. They have a place to stay and it is with family. They have electricity and access to stores, but where do they begin to pick up the pieces of this mess?

Shane and Linn own a happening hair salon in Joplin called The White Rhino. You can even like it on Facebook. Shane is an incredible stylist. He did my hair for my wedding and his wife did my makeup!

Shane is already back to work because he cannot afford not to be. Meanwhile, he is trying to deal with insurance, trying to figure out where they will live, trying to figure out the situation with his 11-year-old son and school . . . overwhelming. And of course there are the effects of seeing dead bodies and knowing people who have died. On top of all this they are dealing with a longterm, serious health issue in their family.

What can we do to help Shane and Linn deal with this disaster? Thanks for asking.

Are you ready to join me? Do you have an etsy shop or do you sell doilies on your website? Are you willing to give up some of your profits for a week for a good cause? Then get ready for "Shop for Jop." And email me if you think you might want to get in on this action.

Even if you don't have a doily shop you can help spread the word and you can "Shop for Jop!" Stay tuned for details . . .

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Happy Earth Day! Are You a Dirty Hippy?

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Nehemiah 6:9

You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you.

God has gifted us with His beautiful creation. Let's take care of it, not just consume it!

You might not know this about me, but I am kind of a dirty hippy. Except I shower just about every day. Oh, and I shave my legs armpits. And I have nothing made out of hemp. And I do wear a bra. So maybe I am not a dirty hippy, but I am into natural, eco-friendly stuff as much as possible.

There is always more ways to go green but I do what I can, am open to more changes, and I care. I recycle everything I can. I avoid traditional medicine and try natural remedies whenever I can. I buy chemical-free and organic products whenever it's available and we can afford it. And things like that.

Today is Earth Day.

There are a lot of ways we can support our environment both inside of our homes and out.

Today I want to encourage you to make one small change that will benefit not only the earth, but your family.

There are a lot of toxins inside of the home. It is overwhelming, which paralyzes some people and so they do nothing. Start small. Start with one thing. Or add just one more thing. I'm sure a lot of you have already done this stuff, but if not let me make a few suggestions.

1. Buy some organic food this week. I know it is more expensive, but can you pick one thing to buy organic this week that you would not normally buy organic?

How about strawberries, rice, milk, meat -- all are high in pesticides or hormones.

2. Buy some eco-friendly beauty products over at "Eco Natural Soap" instead of your normal stuff. I recommend getting their lip balm because when your kids steal it and ingest half of

it . . .

And if you have not joined in on my Mother's Day giveaway now is the time. You could win some of these eco-friendly products!

3. Use recyclable grocery bags when you go to the store instead of forgetting about them and leaving them in your dirty minivan. I'm getting better at this one, but it still happens.

4. If you have plastic grocery bags because you forgot your recycle bags in your car, do not throw them away! Take them somewhere (some grocery stores have bins) to recycle them.

5. Take your batteries somewhere to be recycled. They have a lot of toxic chemicals in them - do not throw them away! Did you know it is illegal to throw away batteries in California?

6. Buy some eco-friendly dishwasher detergent. I read on several websites that dishwasher detergent is the #1 cause of household poisoning.

7. Use less zip-lock bags. My sister-in-law Kate got me two Wrap N Mats

and I use them for my son's school lunches instead of zip-locks.

8. For you crafters out there who have withdrawals if you don't do a craft on a regular basis, check out these Earth Day craft ideas.

9. Have a birthday party coming up in the next few weeks? Spend a few extra dollars and shop at a local store for that gift. And use some of those papers that come home from school (or that you make in homeschool) to wrap the present.

10. Talk to your kids about Earth Day. Go on a walk with them and hugs some trees.

For more earthy ideas check out Kate (my sister-in-law) and Amber's website Unprocessed Moms. You'll find headbands made out of yogurt containers, aprons out of plastic grocery bags, a lame video with good info, and a white girl with dreads (Kate).

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Ultimate Blog Party 2011 - Get Your Fake Party On

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Welcome to Tales from the Motherhood and Confessions of a Former Childhood Actress . . .

Last year I gave up on having a real social life and decided to attend a virtual blog party. Totally weird - especially because it was actually kind of fun. I'm still trying to catch up on sleep from last year's fake rager.

Let's cut to the chase virtual people . . .

1. If you don't really give a rip about me or my blog or my dirty minivan and just want a prize, then scroll down and see how easy it is for you to win $100 gift card to Amazon and a copy of my book Totally Desperate Mom: Keepin' it Real in the Motherhood.

2. If you have money falling from the sky and use gift cards as mere bookmarks and are simply looking for a little love and affirmation by way of people commenting on your blog then scroll down and leave me a comment. I will visit your blog and leave you a comment even if it's only "Do you come here often?" Do you really need more than that?

But if you really like to virtual party and read blogs then allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Wendy, otherwise known as the Totally Desperate Mom. Not desperate like Desperate Housewives, but desperate to be the best mom to my Elijah (7), Lydia (almost 5), and Jordis (2 1/2).

Desperate to be an awesome wife to my man Shiloh. We have been married almost 13 years.

Every 13 years I get my hair and makeup done and this is what I look like. But a lot of days I look more like this:

I usually like my husband, but sometimes I don't. Like when I'm hormonal and pregnant and we are on our 10-year anniversary trip and he calls me Fatty Arms. Oops. I pay him back for that comment by telling women about it when I speak at women's events or MOPS groups. You can hear the whole story here:

I'm a Totally Desperate Mom cuz my almost 5 year-old, strong-willed daughter still pees her pants on a regular basis "just a little bit". My 2 1/2 year-old is newly potty trained and copies everything her sister does . . . just a little bit.

I am a Totally Desperate Mom cuz it is hard to keep up with laundry, dishes, cleaning up cat throw up, and homework. And when I let the homework go unattended it looks like this:

I am a Totally Desperate Mom because I do not sew or make fancy crafts, but I like admiring that junk on other people's blogs.

I am a Totally Desperate Mom cuz sometimes I have MBDs (mental breakdown days) and just need a break.

I am a Totally Desperate Mom cuz motherhood is the hardest, best job in the world.

You feel me?

So a lot of days I blog about that stuff. Honest, raw, hilarious, gross, classic stuff from the motherhood. You'll probably leave feeling better about yourself. And if you think you don't have room for more blogs in your life you might just want to check in here around Christmas time. Cuz that's when I post my family's worst family photos. I mean, who doesn't enjoy feeling better about themselves by seeing OPU (Other People's Ugly)?

And if you are up for a little random in your life . . . Wednesdays I post about my experiences as a child/teen actress.

Here's the snapshot into that action:

When I was 9 years old I looked in the yellow pages, called an agent, and left a message on their answering machine. Unbeknownst to my parents. That started my acting career which eventually led me to Hollywood after starring in numerous national commercials and print jobs in the San Francisco Bay Area. When I was 14, I got a starring role on the syndicated series The New Lassie. Moved to Hollywood, lived with friends of the family, filmed 48 episodes of the show at Universal Studios, guest starred in some other shows, and didn't go night clubbin' with my mom . . . or anyone else.

Here is a clip from The Wonder Years when I guest starred as Kevin's annoying and overbearing girlfriend, Julie Aidem:

And here are a few pics from my Hollywood days:
Circus of the Stars in 1990 with Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Jocelyn Peden

With Paul Walker

With a bunch of other young actors. Jason Marsden (red shirt), Christina Nigra (awesome neon cowgirl), and David Moscow (behind the tree in a sweet Gotcha sweatshirt) all did guest posts for me. And I have recently re-connected with Alyson Hannigan (baggy purple, green, and navy blue shirt) who I met on the Lassie audition over 22 years ago!

I left Hollywood and returned to my hometown so I could have a normal senior year of high school. Went on to UCLA, met my husband, got married, worked in real estate, taught group exercise classes, had some kids (including one sweet baby girl named Faith who ditched us for heaven after 4 days with us).

Last year, in a moment of temporary insanity I decided to write Totally Desperate Mom: Keepin' it Real in the Motherhood. Humor and encouragement for moms with little ones. When you are not busy fake parting, you can read the first chapter to see if it's worth your time. If you like it, you can buy it directly through me, on Amazon, or request it at your local Christian bookstore.

Speaking of Christian bookstores, I love Jesus. I don't blog about spiritual stuff a lot, but every now and then I bring it. You've been warned.

Congratulations if you survived that long post. You sure know how to party. Or maybe you are just really good at scrolling fast to get to the goods. Either way, you have some skillz.

Here is how to win a $100 gift card to Amazon.

1. Leave a comment. Any ol' comment will do. But I would love to hear if we have anything in common or a random fact about yourself and a link to your blog. Make sure I have a way to contact you if you are a winnner.

2. Follow this blog publicly. Don't be ashamed. Then leave a comment letting me know you did.

3. Follow me on Twitter. Then leave a comment letting me know you did. And just so you know, chances are good that I won't automatically follow you back. Here's why. Nothing personal.

4. Become a fan/liker of Totally Desperate Mom on facebook. Then leave a comment letting me know you did. Don't worry I won't clutter up your facebook page with a bunch of lame status updates. Only a few here and there. But I promise you - they will be lame.

5. Good for three entries: Purchase a copy of Totally Desperate Mom through my website or on Amazon and then leave 3 comments letting me you did. If you have already purchased a book just leave 3 comments letting me know you did. You won't be sorry because even if you don't like the book you can pass it along as a baby shower gift for someone else who you don't really like, but felt obligated to attend her baby shower. Or you could let your child use it as a coloring book or practice using scissors on it. So versatile.

*If after a month if this blog bores you, or you actually never read it, or my tweets bug - feel free to drop kick me in a month. I don't want to force you to be in this relationship under prize-induced duress.

Get your entries in by April 8th by 9pm PST. I will announce the winner on April 9th.

Head on over to 5 Minutes for Mom to further participate in this virtual partying! There are more prizes. I even threw in a $100 gift card to Target over there.

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Religion, The Wonder Years, Tragedy . . .

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Just when you thought my blog couldn't get any more random I do a Q & A over at Jeff Pearlman's blog. He writes for Sports Illustrated and is a New York Times Best-Selling author. He also is a big Wonder Years fan and recently saw the episode I guest starred on then googled me and found me over here.

Here's a teaser from the interview and then you can head over to his blog and check out the rest.

J.P.: Along those lines—how do you know, 100%, that you’re right? I mean this with total respect, because it fascinates me. There are probably 500 religions in the world, and people of all faiths are convinced theirs is the way. How do you know, sans uncertainty, that you’re correct?

W.H.: Do I know 100% that I am right about Christianity? Some days yes. Some days no. That is where faith steps in. I don’t think you have to be 100% certain. But are you certain enough? I have not looked into 500 religions, but I have looked into a lot of them. (Was not raised in a Christian home.) And I have concluded that Jesus is as he claimed “the way, the truth, and the life.” Doesn’t mean I have it all figured out. Doesn’t mean that I like everything about it. There are some concepts that are difficult to understand and things I think I would do differently if I were God. But I trust that as Isaiah 55 says “His ways are Higher than mine” and ultimately I would really suck at being God. I look at Christianity as kind of like a puzzle—there are a few pieces that I can’t seem to make fit, but so many of them fit together that I trust that those pieces actually do fit. I just can’t understand it or see it right now. Most of and enough of the pieces make incredible sense to me. Add that to my personal encounters with God and it’s enough for me to commit my life to being a follower of Christ. It is definitely not blind or uneducated faith. I care about truth. So far I have not read or seen anything that has proven to me that what I believe is a fairy tale. And I read more than Christian literature and the Bible. In fact, right now I am reading Why I Became an Atheist: A Former Preacher Rejects Christianity. I like to try and understand different points of view.

Great question, huh?

So if you want to hear about Leonardo DiCaprio, my best and worst acting gigs, arm wrestling with Kate Winslet, how I met my husband, and how we could emerge with increased faith after living through the death of our firstborn . . . head over to Jeff's blog and say hello.

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My Strange (Toilet Paper) Addiction

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I recently saw a show on TLC called My Strange Addiction. There was a women on the show who was addicted to eating toilet paper. Think that is strange? I have a family member who does the same thing.

I am thinking of submitting my cat for the show.

Caught.

But he didn't care. He proceeded to eat in front of the camera. He needs intervention.

Do you have an animal who needs an intervention?

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Banshee the Cat

Pin It Now! We have two cats. Phayce (pronounced Face) and Banshee.
People who come to our house who do not like cats fall in love with Banshee.
I am not even making that up cuz I birthed him, cuz I didn't.

Oh yea, he has a thing for pacifiers. If you come over here, don't leave your pacies unattended.

Or your drinks.
Hide yo pacies, hide yo drinks. If you know what I am referencing by that statement then I love you.

He is really good with the kids. And by that I mean he lets them do whatever they want with him.

Do you have any pets? Do you like them? Do your kids harass them?

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Hair Swap

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You may have noticed that my hair recently turned blonde. That was a result of a hair swap with my husband, Shiloh. He used to like my hair dark brown, but in his old age he has requested blonde. I don't mind changing my hair style or color so I did it - even though I would prefer to do nothing. Because it's way easier and cheaper. I did negotiate my bangs to make a comeback in this swap. I prefer bangs, Shiloh does not.

And exchange for the blonde hair I got Shiloh to grow out his hair. Cuz I like it shaggy.

He has recently threatened that he will be cutting it, which is fine with me. I am ready for that. I wasn't wanting him to go Fabio on me.

**UPDATE: I wrote this post a few months ago. Since then Shiloh came through on his threats. He cut his shag. I am the bigger person in our relationship so I have kept my hair blonde. And that is the exciting story of the recent adventures of the Hagen hair swap.

What determines your do?

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