Thursday, March 04, 2010

Dog the Bounty Hunter and Pre-Orders

Pin It Now! Okay y'all - only two more days to fake, unofficially, pre-pre order Totally Desperate Mom for $10 plus shipping costs. (If you have pre-ordered through me via email long, long ago- you're good. No need to sign up on the website). And what's even more fun about this is that I will personally be handling the packaging and shipping of these books. Which means there could be all kinds of fun things in and on the packaging depending on which kid gets a hold of it before I drag the crew to the post office. I guarantee my "processing" of these orders (which are somewhere around 500 at this point) is going to be . . . bloggable.

By fake, unofficially, pre-pre order I mean that you don't have to pay now. But I will have Dog the Bounty Hunter come find you if you renege on your unofficial pre-order. When the book comes out (don't have a date yet) I will get in touch with you so you can pay up. If you are local we can arrange a special meeting place for he deal. Like church or the post office - my two favorite hang-outs. For the non-locals, I am going to set up paypal payment on my website. You don't have to have an account with paypal to make payments through them.

Here is your last sneak preview (unless I change my mind) of the book.
An excerpt from Chapter 13: Taking Care of Mom's Marriage.

Pregnancy and The Black Hole Change More than the Mom’s Body

Obviously, pregnancy tweaks Mom’s body, which in turn affects the marriage as well. It took us (or was it just me?) several pregnancies to figure this out, but pregnancy presented quite a challenge to our relationship. I think by the fourth pregnancy we were finally prepared to meet that challenge. We both accepted the fact that a hormonal alien had taken over my body. The only thing we could be sure of when I woke up in the morning was . . . nothing. The fourth time around, Shiloh learned to have extra grace with me during my heightened hormonal activity. And I acknowledged that I actually had hormonal activity that might require extra grace.

It’s a relief to the body when the baby comes, but the first six weeks of life with a newborn does nothing to temper your hormonal instability—that’s for sure. And while you may now be able to find a comfortable sleep position, you are rarely given the opportunity to assume that position for more than a couple of hours at a time. An exhausted, hormonal wife and a sex-starved husband are likely to create some marital tension in The Black Hole.

When you’re in The Black Hole, if you find yourself being annoyed by the very words your husband speaks, you are not alone and your husband is probably really not that annoying. This is a temporary scenario. There is something about two people getting very little sleep and one person with postpartum battle wounds that can really put a strain on the marriage. Don’t be surprised if you find yourselves arguing about ridiculous things and arguing over baby issues.

When you are in desperate mode you may actually seek the advice of your hubby, despite the fact that prior to bringing forth your beloved little one you couldn’t pay him to read any of those pregnancy/parenting books. Based on my experiences and the experience of many of my girlfriends, the script might look and sound something like this:

Newborn baby is fussing, but it is not clear to you if she is tired or hungry, even though the books state that at this point you should easily be able to distinguish between a newborn’s fourteen different cries.

Totally Desperate Mom: “Do you think I should feed her now or wait a while, or do you think I should try to put her down for a nap?”

Totally Sex-Deprived Desperate Dad: “Well, honey, I think you should just [insert advice here].”

Of course, TDM totally ignores said advice and does whatever she wants. After his advice and input is totally disregarded again, Dad feels annoyed, frustrated, disrespected, and unappreciated.

TDD recycles the same two thoughts through his head: “Who is this woman and what has she done with my wife? and When can we have sex again?

TDM recycles these two thoughts through her head: Why isn’t my husband more helpful? and I hope I can get a note from my doctor that states I cannot have sex for at least a year.

As you begin to get more sleep, your husband is granted permission to touch you, and you settle into your new role as parents. At this stage there is potential for the marriage to get back on track. That is assuming your marriage was on some sort of track prior to parenthood. Keep in mind as you read this chapter that I am no marriage guru and I cannot “fix” your marriage. But I am praying over these pages as I write that you will be challenged and encouraged in your marriage—whatever the current state of your marriage is. Whether you are in a rough place in your marriage or your marriage is the best it has ever been, I am praying that this chapter will be a reminder to you to make that relationship a priority.

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3 comments:

Amy said...

are you going to sign the books? I definitely need a signed book. Maybe even a personal note to me. =)

TDM Wendy said...

We'll se about that Amy. It might be totally inconvenient to sign a book for you. Maybe when I am sitting next to you in our small group.

Sharon said...

HAhahahaha! I REALLY wish I had this book now. We are very much going through this exact situation right now. It is so sad and true, yet it is funny. :)