I Just Wanna Be a Mom

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Sometimes I just want to be a mom.

Not the housecleaner.

Not the laundry doer.

Not the dishwasher loading and unloading hunk of love.

Not the cooker.

Not the grocery shopper.

Not the errand runner.

Not the body cleaner.

Not the booty wiper.

Not the paperwork filler-outer.

I want to do more with my kids instead of for my kids - more reading to them, more princess dancing, more one-on-one basketball, more video-game playing, more coloring, more sitting and watching a DVD (instead of using that to occupy them so I can make dinner, clean house, etc), more chasing, more cruddy craft-doing, more baking . . . with them.

Yesterday I lost it. Had an MBD (mental breakdown day). Was really feeling like I needed a break so I asked my husband to give me a few hours off. I laid down to nap. In a one-hour time span the kids busted into my room at least three times. Not much of a nap. I came out of my room to find my husband playing video games with my son. Meanwhile, dishes were piled up in the sink. Shiloh made them lunch, but did not unload and re-load the dishwasher. Jordis (who is potty training) had gone behind her bed and peed. Shiloh had not cleaned that up yet because he was having his special time with Elijah.

I was livid. Instead of feeling relaxed, I was more stressed. MORE TO DO! MORE TO CLEAN UP! I CAN'T DO IT ALL! I WANT TO HAVE MORE SPECIAL TIMES WITH MY KIDS BUT NOT WHEN PEE IS SOAKING INTO THE CARPET!

The problem is that there will always be pee soaking into the carpet. Or cat throw up resting on the hardwood floors waiting to be stepped in. Or dishes waiting to be put away or cleaned. Or laundry piles everywhere. Shiloh did not understand where I was coming from and I thought he was being very unhelpful and rude.

But as I processed it more I told him that I was jealous of him. He can let things go. He said he just compartmentalizes things - cleaning time and kid time. I try to do this and most often fail at it. I even have a chore chart (that Shiloh created) that I show in my book. Which days to do which chores. Once things are done - you're done for that day. Chill out. Relax. Play with kids. Blog. Whatever. It worked pretty well . . . until the third child came.

Since having the third kid I have less and less of a handle on all of this. Anyone else feel like going from two to three kids somehow multiplies the housework and "to do" list by ten? I'm not even talking about the deep cleaning but just basics - cooking, cleaning up after meals, laundry, and somewhat having things picked up. Seems unchorechartable. Just trying to manage. I'm not even a Type-A person or neat freak!

And after the kids go to bed . . . kinda too tired to do that stuff. Easier to tweet, blog, read, watch a show with Shiloh or something that involves little physical effort or brain power. No offense to you blog readers who thought I was giving you all my brain power.

Sometimes I just want to be a mom.

And that is what I am.

Yes, I am a need-meeter and I have a lot of things I have to "do" to keep the household afloat and to keep us from being featured on Hoarders or Nanny 911 or Intervention.

But the truth is that basic need-meeting is all part of being a mom. Taking care of all the peripheral stuff so my kids are well fed, have clean dishes to eat off of, are well-dressed (kidding, obviously), and don't smell like pee and poop is all part of being a mom. And it is all part of creating a loving environment. Part of making my kids (and husband until I go off on him) safe and secure.

And as much as I have MBDs about this stuff and struggle with balancing it all . . . I am so thankful to be the mom. To be there for all the monotonous stuff. To be such a huge part of their every day. I would rather being mommin' it than any other job . . . well most of the time. Some days being a toll-booth worker sounds pretty enticing.

I am so thankful to have three healthy children. Way more "work" but also way more fun, laughter, cuddles, and adventures.

And for disclosure purposes I should give you too much information and let you know that this desire to abandon the motherhood, flip out on my loving and helpful husband, and have thoughts of joining the army happens during a certain time of the month . . . when my husband figured out the timing of my MBD yesterdat he pretty much just laughed his head off. Of Course! I swear there is no correlation and I am acting completely rational and normal.

*If you read this entire post I feel like I owe you $150 because that was a good therapy session for me.

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