I'm Not in Love with you Anymore - Part 2

Pin It Now! Wasn't planning on a part 2 on this delicate topic, but here I am. Thank you for all of your comments. There were two that really encouraged me and confirmed to me that this was something that needed to go from my head and heart onto paper. Well, virtual paper anyway.

Would you join me in praying for Jody and Anita has they fight for their marriages? That is what I am talking about. Fighting for your marriage, even when it sucks. Even when it's painful. Even when you've been wronged. Even when you feel like you don't have the energy to do the work. Even when you are emotionally drained. Even when whatever is on the other side of that window seems like it would be much better than where you're at.

Jody and Anita and whoever else out there is struggling - we are cheering you on from the sidelines!

Here are Jody & Anita's comments:
Jody:
appreciated this. In the valley fighting with everything we have for our own post-infidelity marriage. Believing in our own resurrection miracle. Truth like this is like hearing cheers from the sidelines...thank you.

Anita:
Awesome post, Wendy! Unfortunately, I'm in the same "boat" as Jody... or at least it seems like I am from her very brief comment. (If you happen to have a way to contact her, could you please let me know and/or please give my email address to her? Thx!)
I'm clinging to the cross and Jesus' love, and I'm seeking to find peace in Him alone.

I don't know any more details to their situations, but I want to share a few stories of hope that might be of encouragement to them and others.

I have two close girlfriends whose husbands cheated on them. I have so much respect for both of them for sticking it out, even when they had biblical grounds for divorce. Just because we have the biblical release from our marriages still does not mean divorce is what's best. Again, sometimes divorce is merited, but the point is to seek direction from God's word and the Holy Spirit (and they will not be in conflict), not from your emotions.

(I have changed names to protect their privacy and I chose names that probably don't belong to you or anyone you know. And I am really shortening the stories - trying to just give you the most relevant info.)

In the case of "Blogger" (the husband) and "Wordpress" (the wife), Blogger was having an affair with a woman who he thought he was "in love with." The marriage was in a bad place and eventually they went to counseling. It took several sessions for Blogger to finally admit he was cheating on Wordpress. And Blogger was not willing to give up his affair. Bottom line - by God's grace, and only by God grace, Wordpress fought for Blogger. Even as he was constantly rejecting her. She was repenting in her part of the mess (her lack of respect for him, her love affair with her job/success, her belittling of him, etc.). And Blogger would not budge. He moved out and carried on his affair for months. I was in awe of the way Wordpress sought the Lord. It was amazing and beautiful and inspiring . . . and it was in the middle of such ugly circumstances. Even though Wordpress had biblical permission to leave Blogger, she did not have permission from the Holy Spirit who was speaking to her a lot. Many friends and family told her that there was no hope for the marriage. Divorce him. I don't think I ever personally told her that I thought she should divorce him, but there were definitely times when I thought it was what she should do. But she listened to God's direction instead of anybody else's. That was about 7 years ago. Of course, their marriage is not perfect now. And even after Blogger cut off his relationship with the other woman and committed to working on the marriage, they had marriage problems. Major hardships. But here they are seven years and two kids later. Experiencing the blessings of obedience. I know they would both say it was worth the fight.

Our other friends "Chicken Wing " (the husband) and "Brownie" (the wife), went through something similar. Chicken Wing was having an affair with a woman who he thought he was "in love with." He was about 3 months into this affair and on his way home from a business trip. On an airplane. And the Holy Spirit just completely convicted Him. It was like he woke up. And there he was on this plane crying over his sin. His wife had no idea. So Chicken Wing went home and called his brother in Christ and told him of the situation. Awesome brother in Christ said something like, "Are you gonna tell her? Chicken Wing responded, "I need to." Friend said, "If you don't tell her I will. I love Brownie way too much to have you tell me this and not her."

And here's an actual quote from Chicken Wing, "That time and the airplane experience were the two occurrences that really woke me up. I know what I did was horrible, but to have someone else reveal it to her would have been even more horrible. I knew I had to face it not matter how hard it would be. And if that meant no Brownie, I had to live with that."

It has been hard, of course. Especially because of the infidelity, but they are committed to making their marriage better than it was before.

Believe it or not, I also have respect for the cheater--when he/she repents. To humble himself (even though it took Blogger a long time to get there) and submit himself to God. To wake up and accept the forgiveness that awaits him from some. And to face the stones that are thrown at him by others. Yes, he blew it big time, but to be able to come back from that a better person - to experience God's grace. And to fully recognize how in need of grace you are. Powerful. To surrender your emotions and feelings to God - the ones that tell you that are really in love with your mistress and you should be happy and you should follow your heart and you deserve more than what your wife gives you. That takes courage and strength.

Jody & Anita - thank you so much for your honesty. I have been praying for you a lot today.

And lastly . . .

We are all capable of infidelity. If you think for one minute you are not capable of having affair, then you might just be the next to fall. Guard your marriage. Guard your heart. Guard your email interactions. Guard your facebook/twitter connections and interactions. Guard yourself with your co-workers.

Now go love on your spouse even if he/she is bugging the crud out of you!

**Go here for Part 3 of this series.

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