First let me put a disclaimer here: This is not for those who are grossed out easily. This is not for those that think pregnancy is pretty. This is not for those who have had "great" pregnancies and think it is a beautiful thing. And I know many of you are desperately trying to get pregnant and it is not happening. And you know I am praying for you ... praying that when you do get prego, it is much different than my experiences. But I know people are not seeking pregnancy, but the babies and funny toddlers that eventually make their way down the chute. And if this post doesn't seem to upbeat, then buzz off. Just kidding kind of. It is my attempt at looking at the positive side of pregnancy. Look how many people I can now empathize with and relate to. What I have always wanted.
1. Now I can relate to bulimics - at least on a physical level. Yes, still throwing up on a regular basis.
Just ask Lydia.
2. Now I can relate to women in menopause who have hot flashes. Shiloh says it is "freezing" in the house (and he wears flip flops and shorts year round) and I am sleeping with a cold wet wash cloth on my neck.
3. Now I can relate to men with beer bellies and the back pain they must feel on a daily basis. But I cannot understand why they are not motivated to LOSE THAT BELLY!
4. Now I can relate to older women who have incontinence as I often throw up so hard it makes me pee at the same time. AWWWWKWARD!
5. Now I can relate to those with heartburn or acid reflux.
6. Now I relate to clinically depressed, bi polar and completely emotionally unstable people ... like my Mom. Just kidding Mom. Just wanted to check and see if you were reading this.
7. Now I can relate to Debbie Downer from SNL. But at least the skits are funny, right?
8. Now I can relate to people with ... before pregnancy, I had heard of hemorrhoids ... now they dictate how much I can sit or stand each day.
9. Now I can relate to overweight people who breathe way heavier. I can hear myself breathe like a fat person when I go to bed... or when I walk up stairs. Is that offensive?
10. Now I can relate to people who just say what they think - with no filter. Okay, so I didn't really struggle to relate to those people before pregnancy. By nature, I am one of those jerks, but when I am not pregnant I really try and work on that. You know, I try to be more sensitive and stuff.
I can't believe I still have friends.
Here is a photo of me from today. 36 weeks and 3 days along. Whoa Bessy.
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Welcome friends, family, randoms, lurkers, blog addicts, fellow desperate moms, and Bono. This blog consists of mostly funny stuff that will make you feel better about yourself. Lots of mom comedy, non-Kodak moments, and un-fashion tips. On Wednesdays I write about my life as a former childhood actress complete with posts about how the entertainment business works, actors I met (or stalked), people and animals I worked with, my Hollywood friends, and photos of former teen heartthrobs. And if that’s not enough to draw you in to follow me . . . I have done some amazing giveaways. A rubber chicken, millions of doll hairs, and unlimited supplies of air. Come join the party.
9 comments:
I just laughed all the way through your list. hilarious.
Only 3-4 more weeks!!!
Oh man ha ha I literally laughed out loud at every single thing...and that is why we all love you dearly! You should make a pamphlet of this and send to high school guidance counselors, imagine the possibilities LOL.
I don't know why it is this way, but it seems that nearly everyone, and that includes even Jesus, have to walk in our shoes to really know what it is that we go through and how it feels and why we react the way we do. So, all your current experiences let you become closer to the: fat, hemorroidal, cranky, uncomfortable, sleepless, chilly, heartburned, vomitous pissers. This means that when I visit you next time it will be a little easier to understand me.
Inspite of the list, You are still so hott! I LOVE your hair cut. I LOVE you!
Wendy, my goodness. I have no words except this: You are one strong woman :)
I can only imagine. The joy of the Lord must be your strength.
I can't believe you're still throwing up. I kind of agree on the HS thing. If you, at 36 weeks, could go share this information with high school girls. . . the teen pregnancy rate would go WAY down at that school. Rock on prego mama! This is the most uncomfortable part, but the reward is so sweet.
I almost forget: where in the world do you get those really cute prego tops?? :)
right there with ya sister on EVERY one of those points. which is on of the reasons we are adopting!! i highly recommend bypassing the pregnancy part and still ending up with a baby :) Yes its a bit more unpredictable but hey, i'd go with uncertainites over hemmorhoids any day.
Ps - they (the hemorrhoids) do not get better 9 years after the kid is born, just in case you are wondering. :)
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