Saturday, December 10, 2011

She Would Have Been Nine

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Tomorrow our firstborn Faith would have been nine years old. Every year on her birthday we have a family day remembering her. Sometimes we go to the cemetery where she was buried. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes I'm in a funk a few days before. Sometimes on her birthday. Some years are better than others. I shared her story three times in the past 10 days when I spoke at a women's Christmas event and at MOPS groups. So Faith has been on my mind and heart a lot lately.

Today I was in a funk. Meanwhile, real life goes on. Laundry never goes away and my three little ones were driving me crazy. Shiloh was working so one of my college kids (we have a weekly college/young adults life group at our house) came over and played with the kids while I took a nap. So thankful. Thank you Dani. I love naps. Especially on days like this.

Tonight after church Elijah felt sick and puked for an hour before we could finally head home. Then he puked in the car some more (in a bag - hooray!). And then got home and puked some more. I've had to change his sheets twice in the last hour. I am hoping he is done for the night and feels better tomorrow. I am thankful he didn't puke during church or unexpectedly in the car. I am thankful that we have a washing machine. I am thankful that we have a car and a nearby grocery store. I am now stocked with Gatorade, bananas, bread, crackers, and Spy Kids 3 for when he can handle that action.

I guess our Faith family day will be hanging out at home. I am thankful we have a fireplace and a heater because I like warmth and it has been chilly in Nor Cal lately.

I wrote a song that my brother put music to and sang at Faith's memorial. Here it is . . . a few of your will relate to it. Death, puking, and a song that might make you cry. I guess you'll have to go read some of my other posts for a laugh today :)

Heaven Holds You

I remember the day we found out you were coming

I remember the day we found out you’d be gone

And each day now I wonder when you’re going

And some days I am barely holding on

But I know the God who created you

I know the God who wants to make you whole

I know the God who awaits you

And I know that heaven is your home

So for now I cherish each movement that tells me that you’re okay

And for now I cling to our Savior, who walks me through each day

You will always be our precious firstborn,

The one Daddy waited on for years

The one who Mommy hoped for

And someday you’ll wipe away our tears

Heaven awaits you

This was never really your home

Heaven awaits you

And there you will be healed

Though Mom and Dad will miss you… someday they will join you

Heaven awaits you

I will remember the time we shared with you

I will remember the time you slipped away

And now I know who is holding you

And giving me strength to carry on

I know the God who has rescued you

I know the God who has healed you

I know the God who now cradles you

But now a part of us is gone

Faith, we will always cherish you & we know that you’re okay

Now we’re desperate for our Savior, to carry us through each day

You will always be our precious firstborn

The one Daddy waited on for years

The one who Mommy hoped for

And someday you’ll wipe away our tears

Heaven holds you

Now you’ve made it home

Heaven holds you

And now you are healed

Though Mom & Dad miss you … someday they will join you

Heaven holds you

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Kristin said...

Tears...check. A beautiful song for a beautiful baby girl. Hope that Elijah is feeling better tomorrow and that your you find comfort in one another as you remember your sweet Faith.

Lindsey Bell said...

Remembering with you today...

L. Shanna said...

Those pictures are absolutely priceless. Thinking of you today.

Rebekah said...

Remembering Faith, thinking of you and your family and praying that the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds today.

Katie @ minivan diva said...

Thank you for sharing this. My heart hurts for your loss. Praying for your peace and comfort today.

Tina Hollenbeck said...

My first - Anna Vivian - is with Jesus, too...went straight from my womb to Jesus' arms. Your song is beautiful. Made me cry, as well it should have.

Emily said...

Prayers and hugs! Praying for you guys and also for your Elijah to feel better.

Devin said...

Oh Wendy. What a beautiful song. I wish I could hear the tune as well. Thinking of you today, and of your family....thinking that our little ones who are sharing heaven together and are playing at Jesus' feet are so fortunate to have missed out on this sin filled world. Come quickly, Lord....

mel @ the larson lingo said...

Beautiful song, Wendy. I have been thinking & praying for you guys all day. Love you!!!

The Holbrook Family said...

praying peace and joy for you.

The Holbrook Family said...

praying peace and joy for you.

Anneliese said...

I cried the first time you sent out the email when she passed away nine years ago. I cried now, even more as a mommy myself, and imagining losing my firstborn. I love you guys. Thank you for sharing your grief with us. Your song is so beautiful.

hannah singer said...

love to you, sweet friend. that song is beautiul.


Denise said...

i think sometimes mercy comes in puking...the other children needing me, keeping me grounded on this side of heaven (though i want so much to be on heaven's side sometimes. especially when i miss my own child) ...but God in His mercy keeps me here.

i pray that God magnifies His mercy on you until your home with Faith. i pray that He lavishes His love on you, gives you glimpses of His glory that is a result of Faith's too-short life here. i pray that He pulls you in closer to His heart where He wants you, and that you rest in Him, hope in Him, wait with great expectation in Him.

Linda Z said...

Tears are falling for your sweet family.

I pray that God surrounds you with His sweet comfort and tenderness. I pray you know His sweet embrace in an extra special way this week. And I pray He give you all rest.

Mama V said...

Didn't know you had written a song about baby Faith. So beautiful. What a comfort to know that Jesus is holding her - but I can imagine you're a little jealous too. I would be! Prayed for you guys. Thank you for sharing that with us, Wendy.