Let's just come clean people. If you were to go out to your car right now, what would you find? I have decided to to come clean with my DMV. Dirty minivan. I was tempted to stage my vehicle to make myself feel like a better person, but decided to leave it as is. I thought that perhaps if I cleaned up my act you would feel better about leaving your kids with me, letting me take them on adventures in my DMV, hiring me as your nanny. And then I came back to my senses and remembered that I don't want your kids. So let's check out my crib...
Let's start with the passenger seat in the front of the car. Often an empty space since you have to be 26 years old and 260 lbs now days to ride in the front seat. I often tell myself "Oh, just leave it in the car because we will need that tomorrow or in the next week. Or year." Notice the jackets, for example. They enjoy spending time in the car. And they also enjoy the company of more jackets when soccer mom grabs more jackets because she has forgotten about the jackets that were already decorating the car. A box of kleenex? Always clutch when you have 3 germy, young children. And how about that black CD case full of fabulous music ... that never gets heard? Despite the fact that my DMV holds 5 CDs at once, do you think they ever get changed? Too much work for mama. Same CDs have been in there for years. A random baby toy? Always good to have handy ... and dirty so that baby can get sick and take advantage of easy kleenex access. How normal is it to leave a swim diaper on the front seat floor all year round? You never know when you are going to want to dip your babe in a pool when it is 50 degrees out, right? And who leaves the home without out a "Do it yourself windows" coupon? I don't have the time or energy to change out a few CDs, but I can certainly install new windows in my home. No prob. Noodle crafts from church that have not been finished (i.e. noodles are not glued to plate) always make for an interesting decoration as they make their way ALL around the DMV floor. You might notice my supply of shelled pistachios. An awesome, clean snack for my DMV crib. There are some raw almonds wedged in the corner in order to complete my nutty lifestyle. Water bottles (several of them, half empty) make a wonderful accompaniment to one lone (but clean!!!) non swim diaper. Rounding out the features of the DMV's passenger front seat is a snack-sized bag with dirty wipes (from a taco sauce spill from last week).
Now let's move to the next row of space, behind the front seats. An extra pair of shoes? You never know when you'll need those. They go quite well with a princess purse and single pink glove. More dirty toys for the baby are a must as well as another box of kleenex and a used wipe (relax people, it was used on someone's hands). No DMV is complete without old, half eaten food laying around - thus, the apple slice.
I never go anywhere without my highchair/shopping cart cover for the dirty toyed baby. Gotta protect her from all those germs out there. Shovels come in handy when I run into an unexpected snow storm and the top part of plastic buckets are a versatile item with many uses. The flap that normally goes on the front part of the carseat is a piece that works well on the actual carseat or is a lovely addition the floor. Take note of yet another loose leaf diaper because diapers are awesome. And lastly, where would a DMV be without a thank you note from a party that happened over a month ago that you need to deliver (I trying to save 42 cents people!)?
Add 3 car seats and a booster (for friends) and that my friends, makes for one classic DMV. The challenge is on - what does your car look like? Are you willing to bear your soul, I mean car, with me? If so PLEASE send me your photos. A written explanation is a bonus, but I will accept photos that speak for themselves. I will post the results. We will vote for the dirtiest DMV and the winner will receive ... some special item in my house that I want to get rid of. I know, I know. Now you are tempted to cheat. Please just walk out to your vehicle right now and document it as you find it now. Don't gussy (how awesome is that word?) it up or tear it apart. This is an "as is" competition. Scouts honor. Knock yourselves out.
P.S. Here's my dirty toyed baby eating a volcano waiting on the front porch while I document her ride.
Welcome friends, family, randoms, lurkers, blog addicts, fellow desperate moms, and Bono. This blog consists of mostly funny stuff that will make you feel better about yourself. Lots of mom comedy, non-Kodak moments, and un-fashion tips. On Wednesdays I write about my life as a former childhood actress complete with posts about how the entertainment business works, actors I met (or stalked), people and animals I worked with, my Hollywood friends, and photos of former teen heartthrobs. And if that’s not enough to draw you in to follow me . . . I have done some amazing giveaways. A rubber chicken, millions of doll hairs, and unlimited supplies of air. Come join the party.
