Tuesday, March 10, 2009

DMV's "Cribs" - What Does Your Car Look Like?

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Let's just come clean people. If you were to go out to your car right now, what would you find? I have decided to to come clean with my DMV. Dirty minivan. I was tempted to stage my vehicle to make myself feel like a better person, but decided to leave it as is. I thought that perhaps if I cleaned up my act you would feel better about leaving your kids with me, letting me take them on adventures in my DMV, hiring me as your nanny. And then I came back to my senses and remembered that I don't want your kids. So let's check out my crib...

Let's start with the passenger seat in the front of the car. Often an empty space since you have to be 26 years old and 260 lbs now days to ride in the front seat. I often tell myself "Oh, just leave it in the car because we will need that tomorrow or in the next week. Or year." Notice the jackets, for example. They enjoy spending time in the car. And they also enjoy the company of more jackets when soccer mom grabs more jackets because she has forgotten about the jackets that were already decorating the car. A box of kleenex? Always clutch when you have 3 germy, young children. And how about that black CD case full of fabulous music ... that never gets heard? Despite the fact that my DMV holds 5 CDs at once, do you think they ever get changed? Too much work for mama. Same CDs have been in there for years. A random baby toy? Always good to have handy ... and dirty so that baby can get sick and take advantage of easy kleenex access. How normal is it to leave a swim diaper on the front seat floor all year round? You never know when you are going to want to dip your babe in a pool when it is 50 degrees out, right? And who leaves the home without out a "Do it yourself windows" coupon? I don't have the time or energy to change out a few CDs, but I can certainly install new windows in my home. No prob. Noodle crafts from church that have not been finished (i.e. noodles are not glued to plate) always make for an interesting decoration as they make their way ALL around the DMV floor. You might notice my supply of shelled pistachios. An awesome, clean snack for my DMV crib. There are some raw almonds wedged in the corner in order to complete my nutty lifestyle. Water bottles (several of them, half empty) make a wonderful accompaniment to one lone (but clean!!!) non swim diaper. Rounding out the features of the DMV's passenger front seat is a snack-sized bag with dirty wipes (from a taco sauce spill from last week).

Now let's move to the next row of space, behind the front seats. An extra pair of shoes? You never know when you'll need those. They go quite well with a princess purse and single pink glove. More dirty toys for the baby are a must as well as another box of kleenex and a used wipe (relax people, it was used on someone's hands). No DMV is complete without old, half eaten food laying around - thus, the apple slice.
I never go anywhere without my highchair/shopping cart cover for the dirty toyed baby. Gotta protect her from all those germs out there. Shovels come in handy when I run into an unexpected snow storm and the top part of plastic buckets are a versatile item with many uses. The flap that normally goes on the front part of the carseat is a piece that works well on the actual carseat or is a lovely addition the floor. Take note of yet another loose leaf diaper because diapers are awesome. And lastly, where would a DMV be without a thank you note from a party that happened over a month ago that you need to deliver (I trying to save 42 cents people!)?

Add 3 car seats and a booster (for friends) and that my friends, makes for one classic DMV. The challenge is on - what does your car look like? Are you willing to bear your soul, I mean car, with me? If so PLEASE send me your photos. A written explanation is a bonus, but I will accept photos that speak for themselves. I will post the results. We will vote for the dirtiest DMV and the winner will receive ... some special item in my house that I want to get rid of. I know, I know. Now you are tempted to cheat. Please just walk out to your vehicle right now and document it as you find it now. Don't gussy (how awesome is that word?) it up or tear it apart. This is an "as is" competition. Scouts honor. Knock yourselves out.

P.S. Here's my dirty toyed baby eating a volcano waiting on the front porch while I document her ride.

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Amy said...

Oh I soooooo could beat you on this any day of the year....except now! You see, when your kids enter grade school, there is something called "drivers for field trips". And you know I don't really care what the other first-graders think about my car hygiene. BUT. There is always the potential that the teacher is going to ride with ME. So that means the night before a field trip I bring a couple trash bags with me to shovel out my car. One is used for actual trash, the other is used for the crap that actually has to come back into my house, but there's too much to carry in my arms. So, because we had a field trip last week, my car is only slightly embarrassing right now, instead of the usual MORTIFYINGLY embarrassing.
Nice crib!

Wendy Hagen said...

Amy, give it a week and then submit. It takes 4 hours to clean up the car and about 4 minutes to trash it.

Christina Johnson said...

Thank you Wendy, I feel much better now about the fact that I have THE EXACT SAME princess purse currently riding around in the backseat of my DTP (dirty Toyota Prius)! And it's been there for several weeks (OK, months).

I will try to document my ride for you tomorrow, although I'm afraid that once I see the photographic evidence, it may be too horrific for me to share. We'll see... :)

Lorri said...

Baby, if this contest was Scratch and Sniff, my van would win by a mile. A photograph just can't capture the smell of old dog, dirty shirts on their way to the dry clean (eventually) and scary snacks left in the 3rd row cup holder that I don't know are there until it's way too late. Add in a spare petrified fry here or there to complete the fragrance. So, what do I win? If it's one of those little pine tree air fresheners, I'll pass.

Love, Lorri
Life's too short to mind the smell...

Alison Francis said...

Oh Wendy you picked a perfect day for this challenge....but unfortunetly words will just not explain the condition of my little Nissan today. We brought it to the shop on Monday to get a new key made and the broken gas light looked at. We got a call later that there was a recall and we need a new engine....wonderful. Well I picked it up tonight and got some news that literally almost made me throw up in the dealership.

The reason my gas gauge was broken was that there had been TWO MICE living in my car that had chewed threw the wires by the fuel tank and then proceeded to find a nice cozy spot nestled under the boards in the trunk to DIE!!! Yes you read write, they pulled two dead mice out of my car. Plus they had to change out the battery because there was so much mouse poo on it!

I have no pictures because when I got home I took everything and anything out of the car because I felt the need to bleach the entire car.

But who else has rodents dying in their car!!!!!

Lorri said...

You're on...send me your address, and the chicken is all yours! Maybe you can spray paint it golden...

I feel lame, but can't find your email...please send me a note at steerfamilyATqDOTcom and I'll forward the photos.

Thanks for a great laugh and something to smile about while I am in the midst of these medical results! You are a great distraction!

Michelle Schrock said...

Alison, I can sympathize with the rodents in the car, at least you never had to actually see them while driving. Here in the tropical lushness of Okinawa, Japan I got ROACHES in my van! I am not even afflicted with DMV, unless my DH spends more than about 5 min in my van. I am an OCDer and try in futility to keep up with the losing battle of kid mess. My van was barely dirty, a few Cheereos and a chicken nugget here or there, and during the rainy season the darn bugs just moved in and started repopulating. It was super nasty, roaches of all sizes hiding everywhere. Every time you opened the doors to get in or moved something inside you could see them scurrying all over. I could not even ride in it at night without getting the heebie geebies. I about had a nervous breakdown. Even worse, my neighbor told me that if you don’t get rid of the roaches they will attract some sort of poisonous spider that will move in to your car as well. It will turn into some crazy insect party/smorgasbord. (Ewww! Itching now as I recall!) Apparently this is a normal phenomenon here.

We bug-bombed like 3 times but the suckers would not die. Finally I put 12 roach motels all over the car and within 24 hrs they all started going belly up.

So not only do I have a weird Japanese van that has pink flair on the sides and casino style upholstery (sending pics to Wendy); I now travel with an entire neighborhood of roach motels. Classy I know…yuck!

Wendy Hagen said...

Chelle and Alison,
You guys could be on a show called "Car Swap." That would be cool. you guys are taking this competition to a whole new level and making new categories. Alison, I will bring that black squeaky rat to church for you so you won't miss the rats that were living in your car. Chelle, I will fly to Japan and ... never go in your car unless I need to gamble in your casino ride. Love it.

CynthiaK said...

Oh, had I known about the competition in time to participate! This is one contest I could have had a serious chance at winning!

Great post. Great DMV. Great competitors. Now I don't feel like I have to rush out and clean mine up any more!!