My March Madness - Speaking

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I just wrapped up team teaching and leading the women's Bible study at my church on Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline. And so now my speaking stuff is off and running. And driving. And flying. It's my March Madness.

Here's a clip from my talk on the "Simplicity" from the Celebration of Discipline study. I'm sharing a recent personal story of how God showed up in an amazing way in the midst of our financial struggle. If you want some spiritual encouragement . . .

I am hoping to see some of your lovely faces out there so here is my upcoming speaking schedule:

This morning and next Thursday I will be speaking on a panel about Motherhood perspective for MOPS at Cornerstone Fellowship in Livermore, CA. My perspective: Motherhood is awesome. And hard. Keep it Real. There are some wiser moms on the panel so don't you worry.

This Friday, March 2nd I will be doing a workshop at the BASS convention in Castro Valley, CA. My workshop is "Overwhelmed and Overscheduled: Learning to Say No, Especially in Ministry." And of course, I have been aggressively been tested in this area over the last few months as I have prepared this workshop. I've had to use my no muscle a lot even though you might not think so based on my March Madness speaking. But some of you have even victims of my no so you can testify for me in the "No" court. Hope to see some of you at BASS (Bay Area Sunday School Convention). But feel free to say "No!" to that.

Then heading to Orange County in a few weeks to speak to three different Mom groups with this precious and unpredictable three-year-old! Start praying for me now :)

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Turning Mourning into Dancing in Downtown LA

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When we drove down to So Cal for Christmas vacation we left at around 4:30am. We made good time and were in the downtown L.A. area by 10am. So we decided to pop in The Bridge Church at Union Church in the heart of downtown Los Angeles. The kids were in pajamas and I was in my "traveling" clothes, but we knew that at least the pastor and his wife wouldn't care. Pastor Tim was our college worship pastor at Bel Air Pres and he married one of my best friends from home, Kati. One of the highlights of our trip was when Kati came into the church service and saw us. She sat next to me so surprised and crying "I had the worst day yesterday. This is the best Christmas present." And so off we went to the cry room. And after a great message from Tim we went out to lunch and then headed down to San Diego for the rest of our journey.

(Kati with the sunglasses)

Anyway, the moral of the story is that Tim has a blog post that I want you to read. Here's a teaser, but you really need to head over to LA Pastor and read the whole thing. Because it is good. And encouraging. And a good example of how journal and how through lamenting God can bring you to a place of praise.

"A Bad Start to 2012?"

I know you’re supposed to begin the new year with these great expectations of becoming a fitter person with a bigger bank account all while achieving spiritual growth and a gaining inner peace. After the past week I think I’ll settle for just surviving.Perhaps it was the way 2011 ended that has led to a challenging 2012. My wife and I spent New Year’s Eve in the hospital ER as she got blood tests and other exams done. We spent ten hours at the hospital on Saturday night with an IV in her arm (do I even want to know how much ER charges?) but at least when we got home at 11pm we were cleared of any immediate health threats. But I still hadn’t finished my sermon for the 9am service the next morning so I rung in the new year working on a sermon while my wife and toddler slept . . .

Must read the rest. Head over here.

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Social Media - I'm Out

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Heads up real and virtual friends.

Not gonna be blogging or reading OPBs (other people's blogs) in November. Or tweeting. Or instagramming. Or facebooking (with the exception of a few things about upcoming speaking engagements on my Totally Desperate Mom page).

Because November is national non-social media month.

Well that and because God told me to take a month off. Whaaat? God speaks to you? Yes he does. Not in a "Go put on some tennies, pass out some kool-aid, and predict the end of the world" kind-of-a-way. He speaks to me through the Bible, through sermons, through people. And as I spend time with Him he impresses things on my heart. I love it. Christianity is not a bunch of do's and don'ts, it's a relationship with the living God. And it brings peace and joy amidst the crazy of life.

Anyway, we are going to be reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster with our young adults life group. (And no, I am not in denial that I am no longer a young adult. I gave up on that dream last month. When one of the kids called me "Mrs. Hagen." We host and lead the young pups at our house every week.) I started reading the book a few days ago. And it's awesome. As I was reading the first chapter spoke God to my heart about taking a social media break for November. To focus on the disciplines. To prepare for some upcoming talks. To tend to all of my everyday stuff. I'm teaching the chapter on Simplicity in December, right before Christmas. And I'm working on a talk for a MOPS group on "Contentment" and a talk about my journey with Baby Faith "Boldness: Trusting God Even When it Doesn't Make Sense."

If you live in Southern Cal, I will be speaking at a Women's Christmas dessert at Sunridge Community Church on Friday, December 2nd. Please email me if you are interested in coming and I will get you the details.

So I'm gonna be keepin' it simpler in November as I dive into the disciplines, work on some new talks, and step away from social media -- which can easily be a distraction, addiction, time sucker. (Not that social media is bad in and of itself, but I need a break from it.)

"The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, for deep people." Richard Foster

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Catch you next month!

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You Don't Know What People Carry

Pin It Now! I've been thinking about death lately. (I know what you are thinking, Lovely. Go on. Sounds fun.) And it's not because of Steve Jobs death. He was just icing on my death cake.

I have been working on a message called "Faith in the Unexpected Life." About how sometimes life just sucks. And bad things happen all the time - to good people, to nice people, to funny people, to lame people, to rude people, to sweet people. And sometimes life can get so tough and sad and hard and sick that the only comfort can be found in knowing that heaven is real. That this life on earth is not all there is. God absolutely works through and shows up and reveals Himself in the crud of life. I've experienced that firsthand. And yet, I know some people have such pain and difficulty in this life that they long for the next one. Eternity with God. With no tears, no cancer, no defects, no abuse, no starvation. They long for heaven.

Lately I'm seeing a lot of people around me suffering in various ways. A leader at my church just lost her husband after he took a fall down the escalator at an airport. A sister I met when I spoke at her MOPS group was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer 20 weeks into her pregnancy. They took the baby at 32 weeks and baby is doing great. Mom's cancer is now advanced stage four and doctors say it us uncurable. She has three young children. Another new friend emailed me when she found my blog and read about our baby Faith. She was pregnant with little Owen who was also diagnosed with Trisomy 13. He died in utero at 29 weeks. She delivered him today. Please pray for these friends.

Little Owen was just one of several things lately that has made me think of our baby Faith. To top things off, tonight I came across this paperwork as me and the kids were having a shred party of old documents. Memories for planning a funeral and burial for our firstborn. Shred please.

Even though God is good, life can suck. Our world is broken, fallen, and ill.

Shiloh and I shared a little of our baby Faith story at one of our church's young adults meetings. Afterwards a young friend who has babysat for us and has been best buds with Elijah since he was two came over to us. He did not know us through our Faith journey and said "Something I keep thinking is that you just don't know the things people carry around with them." He knew us, but until then he didn't really think about or really know our Faith story. A part of us that we carry around with us every day. I now carry around that thought with me a lot "You just don't know what people carry around with them."

So what's the point of this post except catharsis for me and possibly depression for you?

A reminder to you (and me) that "You just don't know what people carry around with them." So have some grace. (This is kind of a theme I learning from God lately if you read my post about the scantily clad white-trash woman at church.) You don't know what people are going through right now or what they have been through in the past. You don't know if they just lost a spouse, picked out a casket for their unborn child, escaped an abusive relationship and found shelter in a church. Grace. Grace. Grace.

An encouragement to you (and me) that this place is not our home. And if you are really struggling or suffering right now for whatever reason, it doesn't mean that God isn't good. It doesn't necessarily mean that He is disciplining you or trying to get your attention or trying to teach you something. Maybe He is. Maybe He's not. Maybe we just live in a broken, selfish, polluted, fallen world where suffering and sin abound. God weeps with you and wants to bring you peace and hope as you trust Him with your life. With your crud. With your shortcomings. With your sufferings. With your heart. With your life. Trust Him.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

Hang in there my struggling friends. You are loved. God sees you.

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I'm So Judgemental

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Every four months or so I post a serious blog post. I guess it was that time . . .

Sometimes going to church is not about the message from the pastor. Sometimes it is about an experience during worship. Or a brief encounter with an old friend. Or a woman in the front row scantily dressed in a white trash fashion.

Last weekend I noticed that woman. How could I not. Her bleached blonde hair was straggly, rooty, fried, and worn. Her white tank top was tight and see through revealing the fakies. Her shorts were so shirt I almost saw cheeks. And she wore heels. I saw her and thought Oh man, I feel bad for whoever is preaching tonight. What a distraction. I judged her. I was distracted by her.

And then I saw her get up a hug one of my acquaintances. An acquaintance I met a few years ago when I was teaching Bible study at my church. That acquaintance was from a local women's shelter that provides Christ-centered services and housing for women and their children who are homeless because of abusive relationships, addictions, loss of financial support, and other factors. Chances are good that woman in the front row was from that shelter too.

I felt convicted immediately. Don't judge a women by her hair. Or her outfit. Even if it is inappropriate.

We don't know what people carry around, where they have come from, what they are working on, where they are in their spiritual journey, what kind of home they were raised in . . . who they are. We don't know their hearts. The pain they carry around. The abuse they are running from . . . yes, she was dressed inappropriate for church, but she may have no idea. Maybe she had no one guide her in that department. Maybe that's all she has. Maybe it was her first time in a church. I'm guessing she doesn't have a mom who just took her on a shopping spree to Nordstrom.

Then the guest pastor got up to preach about redemption. He is from our church, but is currently serving in the Philippines with the Red Window Project - an organization that facilitates a process of economic, social, and spiritual reconciliation for survivors of trafficking and exploitation around the world. When this pastor was introduced, front-row woman hollered and clapped excitedly. As if she knew him. As if maybe she had been redeemed as a result of this pastor's work. Redeemed from human trafficking? I don't know. But that's the point.

I didn't know her story, her background, her lack of parental guidance, the abuse she may have faced . . . but when I saw her my mind went straight to Oh boy. How in appropriate is she?

I hope I see that woman at church again. I want to hug her. I want to find out her story.

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My Daughter is a Frog

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Jordis is at such a sweet age. She is 2 1/2. Full of life. Full of wonder. Full of humor. Full of determination. Full of song. Full of smiles. And as of last weekend . . . not full of diapers. She is potty trained!

She is also a Christ-follower . . . in an amphibian kind of way.

We were playing "Raise Your Hand If" at dinner the other night. Elijah said "Raise your hand if you are a Christian."

Jordis's hand shot up.

I asked her what a Christian was.

"It's a frog."

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When Valentine's Day Stinks

Pin It Now! This is a repost from last May, but I think it is inappropriately appropriate for Valentine's Day. Because for some married couples Valentine's Day stinks. I want to encourage you to love your spouse anyway. Respect your spouse anyway. Read on . . .

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Warning: This is not a typical post from me. It's not light-hearted and funny and there are no Hollywood babes in it. But it is something that has been on my heart for months. And it needed an outlet. And since blogging is cheaper than therapy here you go . . .

I don't know about you but when I married my husband I made a lifelong commitment. I think I said something like "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in good breath and bad. . ." I have never been to a wedding where the bride and groom said, "I am so in love with you and I will stay married to you until those feelings fade or when you get on my nerves or when you look like this:"

And I never heard this at a wedding: "I will stay married to you until you bug me, don't fill my emotional tank, or my feelings of being "in love" with you go away. Then I will have an affair. I will tell you that there is nobody else. I will tell you I am just not in love with you anymore. I might even lie to myself and tell you I never was in love with you."

I am so sad (and a little ticked off) at marriages crumbling all around me. You are not meeting my needs so I am outta here! Shiloh and I are seeing this happen in at least one of our friends' marriages every year. I know men leave their wives, but in almost every case of people we know (thinking of six off the top of my head) it has been the women who are bailing out. Ditching their husbands, shutting out any girlfriends who would speak truth into them, and neglecting their children. All the while these women have deceived themselves into thinking they are putting their children first. Furthermore, some of these moms are acting as though they really miss their little ones when they are out out partying with their girlfriends. And some moms post those party pics on facebook along with a new, sexy profile pic. Meanwhile, Dad is devastated and so are the kids. Heartbreaking.

Don't get me wrong - marriage is hard work. I know that some of you are in cruddy places in your marriage and you feel alone, hurt, hopeless, frustrated. Some of you have been there for a long time. I know both the husband and the wife play a part in the marriage being rocky and vulnerable for an affair or divorce. But it is usually one person who decides to exit the marriage. If you are that person please don't give up! Don't quit. Do the work. Get counseling. Swallow your pride. Get on your knees. You might say I've done all that. Do it again and again. God is bigger than your marriage. There is hope and purpose even for the worst of marriages. But you have got to stick it out and surrender yourself to God. You cannot change your husband, but God can! (If you or your children are being abused-- that is a different story. Get out of that house! Seek counseling.)

You might be thinking,

Easy for you to say. What do you know little Lassie girl? You have a wonderful husband who throws triple surprises for you on your 34th birthday, gives you nutrient comments on your 10 year anniversary trip to the Penta Water Factory, and takes your kids on adventures all the time so you can have a break from the motherhood.

Yes, I do have a great husband and I totally dig him. However, I don't dig him the way I did when we were first dating/married--as clearly depicted in this photo.

I don't think about him all the time and wish he were with me every second (sorry Shi) the way I did back then. Those type of feelings do not last forever! I love him more deeply and in a different way than I did back then, but it is not the butterfly, crazy, don't-even-need- sleep, type love. And although we are in a good place in our marriage we still have days that are rough and we have our issues. Our marriage is not perfect.

And about five years ago I went through a two-year period where I really didn't like Shiloh. He bugged me a lot. I thought he was moody a lot. Didn't really enjoy spending time with him. What happened after two years? I don't know. I have my theories. Shiloh has his. (Including his theory that he was the same as he always has been. I beg to differ). But regardless of what caused the "I don't like you" we would have never seen the other side of that season if one of us jumped ship. Yes, that was a season that was often frustrating and unenjoyable. But it was aseason and we all go through them. Some of our seasons are longer than others, but that is when real, legitimate, Christlike loves surfaces. Love is commitment. Not adrenaline. Not hormones. Not infatuation. Not butterflies.

Women (and men), this has got to stop! There is sooooo much long-lasting, collateral damage when we leave our spouses! Always. Yes, there is grace for everyone. And if you are divorced there is grace and forgiveness and healing. But as I am sure you will attest to--there is also damage that cannot be undone. If you went through a divorce that you did not want, my heart hurts for you and God wants to put the pieces of your heart back together.

Before you going thinking, Yes, but... but what about this situation? You don't know my situation. Isn't it worse for the children if we stay together when we are always fighting? I don't have all the answers and I don't know your particular situation. And yes there are some situations that merit divorce. Your situation is between you and your Maker. But you might have a tough time pleading your case before Him-He created marriage and He's for it.

But Wendy! God wants me to be happy so . . .

Please show me that verse in the Bible because I can't find it.

I am not saying that God wants you to be miserable, but if you are a follower of Jesus then follow Him. Pursue Him first, not happiness. Following Him will bring you ultimate peace and joy, but the road to get there is not always easy. Sometimes obeying God is painful and unpleasant at the time. We don't always understand His ways, but He is God. (Isaiah 55:8-9) And God loves you so much. Seek Him.

DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE!

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

Go here for an awesome sermon on marriage by Pastor Chris Brown.

Here are my 3 favorite marriage books:

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr.

For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn

Go here for Part 2 of this Series.

And if my husband is still reading this . . .
Happy Valentine's Day! I love you and am committed to you for life . . . even when you totally bug. Not saying you are buggin' right now, but you know what I mean. I love you, I love spending time with you, I love how you provide for our family, I love how you adore our children, I love your smile, I love when you take out the trash before it is overflowing. I love being Mrs. Hagen.
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Sharing Your Faith

Pin It Now! I did a guest post over at FullFill Magazine this week. It's about sharing your faith. How do you share your faith? How do you balance speaking up about it without pushing it on people? Why do you share your faith? And if you are not a person of a specific faith, what things turn you off when people try to share their faith with you?

Here's the post:

Elisa Morgan recently spoke to the women's leadership team at my church.

She posed these questions: "What keeps you from sharing your faith? How do you fill in the blank: I can't share my faith because ____________?" I came up blank on the blank. Not because my "I've had four babies in five years" postpartum brain had malfunctioned again, but because I genuinely love to share my faith. I don't have all the answers, I am no bible scholar, and I can hardly win an argument with my strong-willed four-year-old. But I love Jesus and I know what He has done in my life. I can share that. No problem. How about you?

Ever since I began my relationship with Jesus when I was in 6th grade I have been excited to tell the world about Him. And as I have grown and matured in my faith and experienced different seasons in my life, the way I have shared my faith has evolved. But there are a few things that I have realized about evangelism that will never change:

Read more and comment over at FullFill . . .

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