Five years ago I stopped sending out snail mail Christmas cards. So now I send out an email update with the good, the bad, and the ugly. Literally. I attach a few highlights of the worst pics of my family and then direct them to this blog to see the rest. Probably my most popular post. Apparently, people like seeing the real deal. The ugly. The wrinkles. The bad hair days. It's like a free self-esteem boost without having to actually watch a reality TV show. "I love your ugly pictures post. Makes me feel so good about myself... because you can look real ugly." Okay, they don't say that last part, but I can read between the lines, people. And it hurts. No it doesn't. Enjoy.
Merry Christmas - from my family to yours.
Starting with 4 1/2 year old Jordis . . .
What are you talking about Mom? I did brush my hair.
Okay, gotta be honest. Today I did not brush my hair.
Today I didn't brush my hair, but I did do my makeup and ate my hand. So take that.
If you won't paint my face, I have a sister who's a professional.
Are you really my parents or do I belong to Gary Busey and Courtney Love? Tell me the truth Mom. I can handle it.
Sometimes it's easier to just cover up my hair, even at the expense of smashing my face and jacking up my ears.
And now for Lydia (6 1/2) . . .
Mom, do we really have to do this again? I am sick of modeling for fashion magazines.
That laughing gas was some pretty good stuff. Wait, who are you?
Give it up for almost 9-year-old Elijah even though his contribution was weak this year . . .
I don't care about clothes. I don't do make up. So I gotta compensate somehow.
If you can't stand the heat, then don't play catch with my mom,
And now for my main main Shiloh . . .
Because that's how I role when people in my house are sick.
Did somebody say egg nog? I love egg nog.
Alright, this pic is from 2011, but can be moved and scaled to fit any time period.
When I chose this pic Shiloh said "What? What's wrong with this picture?" This post is a lesson in self-awareness.
Sometimes I dress up all fancy just to turn on my wife.
Celebrating 15 years of marriage in May.
And now for my pageant photos . . .
Good morning. Go ahead and read my face as if it were a palm. Many lines to choose from.
You guys, the boxtox on my neck IS NOT WORKING! When did my neck turn into a leather handbag?
Wrinkle, wrinkle, little star . . . and zit on your chin.
Man, that is some strong iced tea.
Makeup by Lydia. Wrinkles by the natural aging process, genetics and sun exposure. Lip wrinkles could be enhanced by drinking with a straw. Worth it though. I like straws.
Elijah: I have to go the bathroom. And it's poop.
Lydia: Is this guy for real?
Jordis: Yes he is. Hold me. I think I might puke.
When I sneeze, my nostrils go ballistic and my sister gets sleepy.
I did not just rip one.
If have not yet gotten the boost you were looking for ...
2011. 2010. 2009. 2008.