Stylin' Saturday - Mermaids & Weddings

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**Please say a prayer for me today. I am doing 2 breakout sessions at the Design 4 Living Conference. Pray that I would be an encouragement to the desperate moms! Last night the conference started out with awesome worship and a talk by former MOPS president, Elisa Morgan. She was powerful and hilarious and I was blessed to sit next to her at the speaker dinner. Kerri Pomarolli did stand-up comedy and was legitimately hilarious. And honestly, I think a lot of comedians are not funny. She was funny, funny. The night ended with a concert by FFH. I totally thought they were going to be lame. Never really heard their music before, but they were really popular and award-winning in the 90's and early 00's. I just envisioned scrunchies and cheesy Christian songs where everyone holds hands and sways to the cheese-beat. I was wrong. They were awesome. I really like their style and their music.

Back to Stylin' Saturday . . .

Always mix and match party themes.

That's a tip from Lydia who dressed up like Ariel (more pics and a blog post to come at some point in my life) for her 4th birthday party last weekend. And she picked out a wedding cake and a bridal bouquet.

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This Little Prayer of Mine

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I am not a product or book review blog. But the author, Tony, contacted me (and thousands of other mom bloggers) out there and asked me to check out his new children's book "This Little Light of Mine." It might just be the last book review request I get . . .

Oh well, it's not my thing.

The illustrations are fabulous. And funny . . . even though I don't know that they are supposed to be.

"Whenever I feel all mixed up, unsure of what to do, please show me what the right path is and help me follow you." (to school not to the carnival!!!)

"But most of all I'm grateful for your love that never ends." (And for the fact that my dad would not be caught dead in these jean knickers.)

"And when I act a little bad, not like I know I should, forgive me, God. Please don't be mad, and help me to be good." (Is he talking about the kids or the dad who is asleep on the job?)

Overall, I like the book. The only part I am not crazy about is the last page where it reads:

"There's just one other thing I'd like to ask again. Please love me God, forevermore. That's all I want. Amen." God loves us. Period. I don't want my children to think they have to keep asking Him to love them. So I read that page and have a conversation with them about God's unconditional love for them.

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I Am Short

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Yes, these guys are kinda big, but come on Shorty. Can you guess how tall I am?

This pic was taken after UCLA beat USC for the fifth time in a row. Man, how times have changed. And Lindsay, lovin' the crop top on your man. I hope you still keep him dressing like that.

**Don't forget to pick up your sneak-peek of Totally Desperate Mom: Keepin' it Real in the Motherhood. And if you like what you read . . . pre-order now and save. $10 per book plus shipping. Coming in July.

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A Stong-Willed Princess

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My sassy and spirited child turned four today! Yes, she takes years off my life just about every day. But then she puts them all right back on during the course of that same day. So full of personality. So full of life. So full of wonder. So full of questions, but full of more answers whether she knows what she is talking about or not. So confident and assertive. And finally potty trained!

Such a cuddle bug. Such a girlie girl. Such a performer. Such a blessing!

Happy Birthday my sweet Lydia.

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Design for Living

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Here is some more scoop from Debbie Alsdorf on the Design 4 Living Conference coming up this weekend! I am speaking at it so you should come and we could be friends or foes. (Just wanted to us the word foe since I never get to use it in real life.) One thing Deb forgot to mention is that there will be water activities and a leaf throwing party. Worth the money people, worth the money.

Leave a comment if plan on attending the party, I mean, conference!

For the past 6 years we have been doing a women's conference at Cornerstone Fellowship. It's a time for teaching, encouragement, worship and hanging out with other women. This year is going to be awesome. Our special guest is Elisa Morgan, best selling author of She Did What She Could.

It is a powerful book with a compelling message for women today. We have themed the entire conference around this powerful message that God gave Elisa, and I want each of you to hear it first hand. I want to celebrate how God changes your life through this message.

It's easy to think we have to do everything...but what if God is just asking us to do our part? What if God wants us to be aware of what WE can do?

We also will be laughing with Comedian Kerri Pomerolli, and enjoying the music of FFH, live and in concert from Nashville, TN. Add to that a great selection of break out sessions...and girlfriend...you will not want to miss this!

Friday May 21st 6:30-9:30

Saturday May 22nd 8:30-3:00, continental breakfast and lunch included

You can choose two break out sessions. Here are a sample of some of the sessions:

Life in the Motherhood: with Wendy Hagen... Learn how to reduce the frequency of MBD's ( Mental Breakdown Days) by taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Becoming Your Spouses Better Half: with Rick Johnson...Go beyond tolerating your spouses differences to using them to add spice and passion to your relationship.

Getting Off the Food Merry-go-Round: with Gari Meacham... Dieting doesn't work, it is a carnal way of handling a spiritual problem. This is about disordered eating,( over eating, or under eating) and how to get away from the mental bullying food has enslaved us to.

I Didn't Make Cheerleading: with Kerri Pomarolli...most women struggle with wanting to 'fit in". Get over feeling like you are on the outside looking in and allow Jesus access to heal all broken places in your heart.

Responding to Rain, Finding God in the Storm: with Dayspring Tomkins...become aware of your responses to what life throws at you. Learn practical steps to make it through each storm. God may not stop the rain, but under His cover you will not get as wet.

The Invisible Bond of Sex, Breaking Free from you sexual past: with Barbara Wilson...Combining scientific research with Scripture to offer striking new insights about what sexual bonding is, why it is harmful and how to move freely into your future.

There is so much more....you can see more of what to expect at www.design4living.org

I hope you will come to the Design4Living Conference. Bring a friend...Or come with you small group and get a discount when you purchase 10 tickets. I have asked the team to extend the early bird special on out...because I want every women to have the opportunity to be there.

And, if you know of someone who really wants to come, or needs to come, but can't due to finances. Please let us know. We have a scholarship fund that has is in place, supported by women who want everyone to be there too!

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Stylin' Saturday - The Layered Look

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*** Don't forget to go get your free sneak-peek of my book Totally Desperate Mom: Keepin' it Real in the Motherhood!

The layered look. It's not just for cold weather. Triple jerseying makes for a better game.

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Sister Love

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I never had a sister to fight with about clothes. I hope these girls are best friends one day.

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Hollywood Days - Christina Nigra Part 2

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This is part 2 of Christina Nigra's guest post. If you missed Part 1 go check it out or you will be completely lost. Not really, but she talks about wrestling shoes and I used to wear them all the time so it was nostalgic for me.

You can also read my post about some of my Hollywood friends back in those days, which included Christina.

(Wendy's Pic: Soleil Moon Frye with her pet Dinosaur, Christina sporting the high belt look, and Wendy in romper. Might have been OJ Simpson behind us. Kinda looks like him, right?)

The Bad

Often people glamorize the experience of being an actor and mistakenly think that it’s all limos and wrestling shoes (see Part 1). Unfortunately, that is really just not the case. In fact, there were many unexpected aspects of the acting gig that were annoying or unseemly at best, frightening at worst. For example, having a full-time job at such an early age was definitely a mixed blessing. On the positive side, it taught me diligence, determination, and dependability. On the negative side, it meant working even when I had a horrendous cold and could barely stand up because if I didn’t the producers would lose over a million dollars (as they not-so-subtly let me know when I was sneezing and coughing on set). I definitely wished I could just get a note from my mom to get me out of work for the day! Being surrounded day-in and day-out by adults also meant that sometimes my co-workers “forgot” that I was only in my early teens and would make crude or comments or “jokes” to me. In a way, it was kind of fun to be playing grown-up like that, but at the same time I knew when things were inappropriate and could often be found blushing and pretending like I didn’t hear some of the things being said around me.

(Wendy's Pic: Andre Gower, Wendy, and Christina at a birthday party)

Another misconception people have is that my classmates at my high school were jealous of me or otherwise “star struck,” maybe wanting to be my friend only because I was on a TV show. Sadly, quite the opposite was true. I’ll never know what their real motivation was, but many of my fellow teenagers were quite hostile toward me. One time a guy I didn’t even know (I think he was a senior when I was a freshman) shoved me up against a locker and cursed at me. When I tried to verbally defend myself, he told me I had no business talking to him like that (?!) and that I must have thought I was better than everybody else. I promise you that was not how I felt, especially at that moment.

On a lighter note, schooling on the set was quite a challenge. Because one teacher was responsible for covering all subjects for all school-age people on the show, I would often end up teaching myself lessons in AP calculus, et cetera, which needless to say was less than ideal (especially since I am somewhat – OK, totally – easily distracted and a procrastinator). A lot of times when I would go back to my regular school after filming for a while I would be a week or two behind my classmates and would have to catch up by burning the midnight oil at home (and thus was born my caffeine addiction).

And there are lingering negative effects of my time in the spotlight, things that no one (especially me) would ever anticipate. One particularly unnerving example – a couple of years ago I saw that someone had posted some really mean (and completely baseless) things on my IMDB page – about my parents! That’s where I draw the line – it makes me sad if someone says something disparaging about me or my acting or my show, but it makes me mad if someone unreasonably attacks the character of two of the greatest people I have ever known, my mom and dad. Who does that?!? I succeeded in having the comment removed, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

The Just Plain Weird

Finally, some interesting little tidbits that are neither good nor bad…things that just make you cock your head to the side and say, “Really?!”. First are the odd things that “fans” have said to me in the past…things like, “You know, you really look better on TV,” “I think that other girl on the show is a lot prettier than you,” and “Why are you such an airhead?”. To which I say, respectively, “Uh…thanks,” “Me too,” and “You DO know that the show’s not real, right?” My mom told me I should take it as a compliment that people feel comfortable enough with me to say these things. Maybe just a tad more discomfort would be good.

Another fun aspect of acting is the, oh, let’s say, “colorful” fan mail that one receives (at least, back in the day before email…do people even write honest-to-goodness fan mail anymore? I truly have no idea and am probably dating myself horribly here). A lot of it was wonderful, inspirational, feel-good stuff that made me grateful for having been able to entertain people and make them smile or laugh, even if only for a few minutes. Then there are the letters from prisons. Yep, I was the lucky recipient of quite a few of those, including one guy who specifically requested that I send him a picture of my feet, which I totally did. Not. And there were others who requested, or sent, some questionable items, a bit disconcerting at the age of twelve or thirteen. Even now, there is a harmless but oddly-titled blog called “Lizard Master” that featured a quest to find out what had “happened” to me. Some people clearly have too much free time on their hands. They must not have a toddler and a baby and two dogs and a house and a bird and a husband…or maybe they do, and in order to escape that circus they spend their time cruisin’ the internet trying to discover the whereabouts of 1980’s sit-com best friend characters. Hey, whatever floats your boat.

Lastly is some of the ridiculousness that I brought upon myself. Remember way back when, before spray tans were de rigeur and the only brand available came from Thrifty and turned your skin the color of a pumpkin? I decided it was a good idea to douse myself with some of that jazz right before going to the Youth in Film Awards…wearing a tight, white dress and little jacket ensemble (I had an unfortunate affinity for bolero jackets, and had one to match most any outfit). Yep, as soon as I arrived and was standing on the red carpet (at least I think it was red?), flash bulbs popping in my face, the sickly orange gel seeping out of my pores started dripping down the sides of my dress. Uber-classy! Here’s a picture, though I don’t think any of the seepage is showing: (And Luckily for Christina, I have several pictures from that night. Unfortunately I did not get any shots with the orange meltdown. Total bummer)

(Christina, Wendy, and Holly Fields)

(Christina, Billy Jacoby, Wendy, and Brian Austin Green. We went to a lot of events with Brian.)

(Christina, and the editor of TeenBeat Magazine, Wendy)

(Christina, Wendy, and "The Boys")

(Lark Voohries, Mario Lopez, Heather McComb (I think), Christina, Jodi Peterson, Wendy, and Dah-Ve Chodan)

And finally, my all-time personal favorite story took place at Universal Studios, where we filmed our first season. As Jason Marsden wrote about earlier, when not filming, us crazy kids would cruise around the back lot and sometimes the tram rides, getting into harmless trouble. On one such outing, I made the grievous error of trying to ride a bike (which I couldn’t). As me and a couple of castmates careened down a small hill near our studio on our bikes, I veered out of control, totally unable to stop and terrified. I decided it would be a good idea to “slow myself down” by crashing head first into a mobile trailer of dressing rooms. As I lay on the ground in a crumpled mess, nothing but a heap of self-pity and bloodied knees and elbows, a studio tour tram rounded the corner. The tour guide excitedly told the tram passengers that they were fortunate to have an actor-sighting…and then pointed me out, by name, to all 7,000 passengers on board. OK, maybe it was only 100 people or so, but the humiliation factor was legendary.

Read Part III of Christina's guest post!

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Why Kids Are Awesome

Pin It Now! ***Disclaimer - I am so thankful for post like these. Ones that I wrote months ago and not today. Because today was a mental breakdown day for me. Wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and put my kids on ebay (it's a joke people-relax. Don't call the blogging CPS on me). From whining, complaining, disobeying to slamming sister's fingers in doors, having hands down your pants while eating dinner, having temper tantrums about sippy cup preferences, and the like. Have you been there?

Now read on about happy thoughts:
Here are just a few things that my kids do or say right now that make me smile.
1. Elijah made this sign and posted it on his door. He clarified that it is $3 to enter his room if you are not a parent. And I just found out that he actually collected $3 from Lydia. I didn't even know she had $3, but apparently when we were on our marriage retreat the kids got some cash from Grandma. They're storing it in their rooms in tupperware. Thanks Grandma--Elijah's now a bookie and Lydia's getting taken advantage of. Her tupperware is now empty. For real. I love kids for their creativity.


2. I asked Jordis to help me take of my shoes the other day. She was so excited she could hardly function in her shoe removal skills. Now when I walk through the door she points to my shoes and with a huge smile says "Uh! Uh! Uh!' It's like a dog when you say, "Do you want to go on a walk?" I love kids for finding the joy in the simple things.

3. Lydia is always asking me to print out pictures for her on the computer so she can color them. Actually, it's as if she is pulling up to a drive-thru window and giving her order. It usually goes something like this "Mommy, can you print out 2 Snow Whites, 2 ponies, 1 Jasmine, 2 Belles, 1 Tiana, 1 Sleeping Beauty, 2 Cinderellas and that's it! And she expects me to remember precisely which ones she wants and how many. I love kids for mistakingly thinking that mom has a memory.

And I love kids. Most days.

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Free Stuff for Mother's Day

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Happy Mother's Day! I did a guest post over at Life Verse Blog today about my life verse - it's a story of hope and encouragement in a situation where you might wonder how a good God could allow something so devastating to happen. Check it out!

And as far as free stuff goes . . . how about a sneak peek (the first five chapters!) of Totally Desperate Mom: Keepin' it Real in the Motherhood? Not quite as cool as the macaroni necklace that Lydia made me, but close. Got get your sneak peek now!

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A Girl and her Cat

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**Reminder - This is your last chance to get tickets to the Design 4 Living Conference at a discounted rate of $49. That includes lunch and probably some kind of girly/women's ministryish tote bag. Plus, you can come and heckle me when I talk about "Taking Care of Mom." The $49 deal ends Sunday. After Sunday, I think it's gonna be something like $400. Or maybe just $59. Order now. Save $10 and then use it to buy my book!

Lydia loves the cats. Especially Banshee because he will let her do anything to him. The other day Banshee was basking in the sun like he was dead. Lydia joined him. And then tried to dress him up in her skirt.

First she lured him in with a little head scratch.

Then Banshee realized what was coming.


So he stole her skirt and began to eat it.


But in the end, the girl won.


"How do I look?" asks Banshee

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Hollywood Days - Christina Nigra Part 1

Pin It Now! Today's Hollywood post comes from my friend, Christina Nigra. She was one of my closest friends back in my Lassie days. It's been a while since I told you she was coming so in case you missed it the first time here's her scoop.

Christina Nigra has worn many hats over the years . . . actress, sorority girl, office manager, lawyer . . . currently her most important role is mommy to two munchkins (ages 3 years and 9 months) and two fur-babies (rescued pit bull mixes). She is also a devoted wife, home improvement survivor, play date goddess, sometime writer, cooking blogger, budding entrepreneur, spiritual student, and lover of food, wine, travel and all things 'joie de vivre." She plans to learn to play guitar and speak French before the end of 2010. She is humbled and grateful for the many blessings in her unconventionial and joy-filled life.

Snapshots from a Surreal Childhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Just Plain Weird

(Part 1 of 2)
I started acting when I was just three years old and living in Lafayette (Northern California).
As the story goes, my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said, without hesitation, “A movie star!”Amazingly enough, she took me seriously (probably more serious than I would take my now-three year old daughter!) and soon got me signed up with a print and commercial agent in San Francisco. Then, on a family vacation to Disneyland, I got hooked up with a theatrical agent in LA. Pretty soon my parents and I were loading up in the old Subaru station wagon and driving, sometimes twice a week (!), to and from LA for (mostly) commercial auditions. Ah, nothing like whizzing down the 5 freeway standing up on the center console, singing and dancing to Elton John and Chicago, parents blissfully oblivious to the inherent danger…gotta love the 1970’s. As a result of countless such trips and literally hundreds of hours spent preparing and going to auditions, I got exactly…one commercial. Thankfully, I did end up getting plenty of other kinds of acting work and pretty soon we moved to LA so I could pursue my career whole-heartedly.

Being a child actor is sort of weird and surreal, and sort of normal and ordinary.It’s ordinary in the sense that it’s not terribly different from any other hobby or sport or pursuit that most kids have. Instead of going to soccer practice after school, I’d go on auditions – big deal. But it’s surreal in the sense that, at a very early age I had a full time job, I hung out with icons of acting and sports at shwanky events (even on school nights!), and I was more or less treated as an adult, with all the good and bad ramifications that that entails.

(That’s me on the left, not doing such a stellar job looking natural…)

Although I acted for almost fifteen years, most of the coolness, and the craziness, happened while I played Lindsay, the boy-crazy best friend of a half-alien, on the TV show, “Out of this World,” which filmed from 1987 to 1991 (from when I was twelve until I was sixteen). The acting itself and the bond formed with fellow actors was, without a doubt, the real highlight of the whole thing, but there was a lot to be said (whether good or otherwise) about everything that went along with the actual work. In order to convey kind of a Gestalt sense of what the experience was like, here, in no particular order, are some random snapshots of things that happened to me during that magical and wacky time… Wendy and others have blogged about before, teen actors often are called upon to go to charitable and community events in order to lend some (questionable) degree of cache. One of the coolest such events I had the pleasure to attend was the Great American Soap Box Derby in Akron, Ohio.Besides the fact that I actually won the Celebrity Oil Can Race (possibly the only “athletic event” in which I ever prevailed in my whole life), the niftiest part of the weekend was that I and the other “celebrities” received a full-on, traffic-stopping, lights swirling and sirens blaring, police escort from the airport to our hotel.This was definitely the closest I will ever come to feeling like an honest-to-goodness movie star, and I savored every ridiculous moment of it. Another cool event was an Oscar party at the Beverly Hilton.It was such a hoot being there with the likes of Zsa Zsa Gabor and other luminaries, especially when it turned out to be over capacity, and mere peons like John Travolta were summarily turned away by the fire marshal. (John, if by some odd chance you’re reading this, I’m truly sorry about that…but don’t worry, I had an extra mini-smoked-salmon-on-toast specially in your honor…and it was really yummy.)


The Oscar party in question provided the opportunity for this description-defying photo
(from Wendy’s illustrious private stash) to be captured for all posterity.

(another one from Wendy's stash. From a charity bowling tournament in New Mexico. Do I really need to comment on the outfits?)

Yet another memorable event was the grand opening of Splash Mountain at Disneyland. This was waaaaay back in the day, before Fast Pass existed, so for me the absolute most exciting part of the day was being able to cut to the front of the line (actually, technically, in through the out door).The ride could have consisted of standing and staring at a white wall for five minutes and I still would have been excited to go on it just for the experience of bypassing those sweat-inducing, mind-numbing, feet-killing lines.I’m pretty simple and easily amused, clearly.

One last vain, superficial “good” thing about the acting gig – all the free schwag. It makes no sense to me (from a philosophical perspective) why companies give free things to those most able to afford to buy them (in theory, at least – you wouldn’t exactly have caught me cruising Sunset Boulevard in a Mercedes), even though it obviously does from a marketing and publicity standpoint. But nonetheless, most of the events we attended did come with a fair share of great stuff that I would likely not have bought for myself. For me, with my jaw-droppingly-dicey sense of fashion (and that is being generous), the best thing to come from all of this were the free pairs of Adidas wrestling shoes.True, I had no business wearing them when the only thing I was wrestling with was calculus and not getting enough sleep at night, but I donned those things with nearly every get-up I had, dresses and shorts alike. Unfortunately for me, and for my kids when they have to look back at pictures of me, the concept of having a stylist was clearly not en vogue circa 1990.

(Wendy here- Christina forgot to mention our fabulous TeenBeat weekend in San Diego. I will do a full post about that weekend another time, but for now. Here is a pic from that glamourous teen event. Christina, Jenny Beck, Crytal McKellar, and Danica McKellar.)


I would bet good money that I have wrestling shoes on with this, um, colorful outfit…quite the look.Now for the truly good parts of the whole experience: I had the distinct privilege of meeting and working with a wide and varied array of famous folks, such as astronaut Scott Carpenter, football player Lyle Alzado, Tom Bosley, Mr. T (such a sweetheart!), Scott Baio, and Karim Abdul Jabar, to name just a few. Truly, I feel ridiculously blessed by the people I had the good fortune to meet and only wish that I had had Wikipedia and IMDB back then so I could have boned up on each of these amazing folks while I was in their acquaintance.I kick myself now for not appreciating those encounters even more at the time.I also had the chance to do a lot of random, cool things that you don’t normally get to do, especially as a teenager. Off the top of my head, I got to pet a white tiger, I piloted the Goodyear blimp over LA, I played tennis with Miss Universe and Sammy Hagar, and I had the privilege of actually (well, hopefully) influencing other kids by talking to them about staying in school and off drugs and the like. And lastly, I’d like to think that my appearance at oh-so-many charity events over the years helped to raise some extra funds for worthy organizations like Athletes & Others for Kids and the Make-a-Wish Foundation…but at the very least, I did get some wrestling shoes out of the deal.

Read Part II of Christina's guest post.

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I'm Not in Love with you Anymore - Part 2

Pin It Now! Wasn't planning on a part 2 on this delicate topic, but here I am. Thank you for all of your comments. There were two that really encouraged me and confirmed to me that this was something that needed to go from my head and heart onto paper. Well, virtual paper anyway.

Would you join me in praying for Jody and Anita has they fight for their marriages? That is what I am talking about. Fighting for your marriage, even when it sucks. Even when it's painful. Even when you've been wronged. Even when you feel like you don't have the energy to do the work. Even when you are emotionally drained. Even when whatever is on the other side of that window seems like it would be much better than where you're at.

Jody and Anita and whoever else out there is struggling - we are cheering you on from the sidelines!

Here are Jody & Anita's comments:
Jody:
appreciated this. In the valley fighting with everything we have for our own post-infidelity marriage. Believing in our own resurrection miracle. Truth like this is like hearing cheers from the sidelines...thank you.

Anita:
Awesome post, Wendy! Unfortunately, I'm in the same "boat" as Jody... or at least it seems like I am from her very brief comment. (If you happen to have a way to contact her, could you please let me know and/or please give my email address to her? Thx!)
I'm clinging to the cross and Jesus' love, and I'm seeking to find peace in Him alone.

I don't know any more details to their situations, but I want to share a few stories of hope that might be of encouragement to them and others.

I have two close girlfriends whose husbands cheated on them. I have so much respect for both of them for sticking it out, even when they had biblical grounds for divorce. Just because we have the biblical release from our marriages still does not mean divorce is what's best. Again, sometimes divorce is merited, but the point is to seek direction from God's word and the Holy Spirit (and they will not be in conflict), not from your emotions.

(I have changed names to protect their privacy and I chose names that probably don't belong to you or anyone you know. And I am really shortening the stories - trying to just give you the most relevant info.)

In the case of "Blogger" (the husband) and "Wordpress" (the wife), Blogger was having an affair with a woman who he thought he was "in love with." The marriage was in a bad place and eventually they went to counseling. It took several sessions for Blogger to finally admit he was cheating on Wordpress. And Blogger was not willing to give up his affair. Bottom line - by God's grace, and only by God grace, Wordpress fought for Blogger. Even as he was constantly rejecting her. She was repenting in her part of the mess (her lack of respect for him, her love affair with her job/success, her belittling of him, etc.). And Blogger would not budge. He moved out and carried on his affair for months. I was in awe of the way Wordpress sought the Lord. It was amazing and beautiful and inspiring . . . and it was in the middle of such ugly circumstances. Even though Wordpress had biblical permission to leave Blogger, she did not have permission from the Holy Spirit who was speaking to her a lot. Many friends and family told her that there was no hope for the marriage. Divorce him. I don't think I ever personally told her that I thought she should divorce him, but there were definitely times when I thought it was what she should do. But she listened to God's direction instead of anybody else's. That was about 7 years ago. Of course, their marriage is not perfect now. And even after Blogger cut off his relationship with the other woman and committed to working on the marriage, they had marriage problems. Major hardships. But here they are seven years and two kids later. Experiencing the blessings of obedience. I know they would both say it was worth the fight.

Our other friends "Chicken Wing " (the husband) and "Brownie" (the wife), went through something similar. Chicken Wing was having an affair with a woman who he thought he was "in love with." He was about 3 months into this affair and on his way home from a business trip. On an airplane. And the Holy Spirit just completely convicted Him. It was like he woke up. And there he was on this plane crying over his sin. His wife had no idea. So Chicken Wing went home and called his brother in Christ and told him of the situation. Awesome brother in Christ said something like, "Are you gonna tell her? Chicken Wing responded, "I need to." Friend said, "If you don't tell her I will. I love Brownie way too much to have you tell me this and not her."

And here's an actual quote from Chicken Wing, "That time and the airplane experience were the two occurrences that really woke me up. I know what I did was horrible, but to have someone else reveal it to her would have been even more horrible. I knew I had to face it not matter how hard it would be. And if that meant no Brownie, I had to live with that."

It has been hard, of course. Especially because of the infidelity, but they are committed to making their marriage better than it was before.

Believe it or not, I also have respect for the cheater--when he/she repents. To humble himself (even though it took Blogger a long time to get there) and submit himself to God. To wake up and accept the forgiveness that awaits him from some. And to face the stones that are thrown at him by others. Yes, he blew it big time, but to be able to come back from that a better person - to experience God's grace. And to fully recognize how in need of grace you are. Powerful. To surrender your emotions and feelings to God - the ones that tell you that are really in love with your mistress and you should be happy and you should follow your heart and you deserve more than what your wife gives you. That takes courage and strength.

Jody & Anita - thank you so much for your honesty. I have been praying for you a lot today.

And lastly . . .

We are all capable of infidelity. If you think for one minute you are not capable of having affair, then you might just be the next to fall. Guard your marriage. Guard your heart. Guard your email interactions. Guard your facebook/twitter connections and interactions. Guard yourself with your co-workers.

Now go love on your spouse even if he/she is bugging the crud out of you!

**Go here for Part 3 of this series.

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I'm Not in Love with you Anymore

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Warning: This is not a typical post from me. It's not light-hearted and funny and there are no Hollywood babes in it. But it is something that has been on my heart for months. And it needed an outlet. And since blogging is cheaper than therapy here you go . . .

I don't know about you but when I married my husband I made a lifelong commitment. I think I said something like "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in good breath and bad. . ." I have never been to a wedding where the bride and groom said, "I am so in love with you and I will stay married to you until those feelings fade or when you get on my nerves or when you look like this:"

And I never heard this at a wedding: "I will stay married to you until you bug me, don't fill my emotional tank, or my feelings of being "in love" with you go away. Then I will have an affair. I will tell you that there is nobody else. I will tell you I am just not in love with you anymore. I might even lie to myself and tell you I never was in love with you."

I am so sad (and a little ticked off) at marriages crumbling all around me. You are not meeting my needs so I am outta here! Shiloh and I are seeing this happen in at least one of our friends' marriages every year. I know men leave their wives, but in almost every case of people we know (thinking of six off the top of my head) it has been the women who are bailing out. Ditching their husbands, shutting out any girlfriends who would speak truth into them, and neglecting their children. All the while these women have deceived themselves into thinking they are putting their children first. Furthermore, some of these moms are acting as though they really miss their little ones when they are out out partying with their girlfriends. And some moms post those party pics on facebook along with a new, sexy profile pic. Meanwhile, Dad is devastated and so are the kids.

Don't get me wrong - marriage is hard work. I know that some of you are in cruddy places in your marriage and you feel alone, hurt, hopeless, frustrated. Some of you have been there for a long time. I know both the husband and the wife play a part in the marriage being rocky and vulnerable for an affair or divorce. But it is usually one person who decides to exit the marriage. If you are that person please don't give up! Don't quit. Do the work. Get counseling. Swallow your pride. Get on your knees. You might say I've done all that. Do it again and again. God is bigger than your marriage. There is hope and purpose even for the worst of marriages. But you have got to stick it out and surrender yourself to God. You cannot change your husband, but God can! (If you or your children are being abused-- that is a different story. Get out of that house! Seek counseling.)

You might be thinking,

Easy for you to say. What do you know little Lassie girl? You have a wonderful husband who throws triple surprises for you on your 34th birthday, gives you nutrient comments on your 10 year anniversary trip to the Penta Water Factory, and takes your kids on adventures all the time so you can have a break from the motherhood.

Yes, I do have a great husband and I totally dig him. However, I don't dig him the way I did when we were first dating/married--as clearly depicted in this photo.

I don't think about him all the time and wish he were with me every second (sorry Shi) the way I did back then. Those type of feelings do not last forever! I love him more deeply and in a different way than I did back then, but it is not the butterfly, crazy, don't-even-need- sleep, type love. And although we are in a good place in our marriage we still have days that are rough and we have our issues. Our marriage is not perfect.

And about five years ago I went through a two-year period where I really didn't like Shiloh. He bugged me a lot. I thought he was moody a lot. Didn't really enjoy spending time with him. What happened after two years? I don't know. I have my theories. Shiloh has his. (Including his theory that he was the same as he always has been. I beg to differ). But regardless of what caused the "I don't like you" we would have never seen the other side of that season if one of us jumped ship. Yes, that was a season that was often frustrating and unenjoyable. But it was a season and we all go through them. Some of our seasons are longer than others, but that is when real, legitimate, Christlike loves surfaces. Love is commitment. Not adrenaline. Not hormones. Not infatuation. Not butterflies.

Women, this has got to stop! There is sooooo much long-lasting, collateral damage when we leave our husbands! Always. Yes, there is grace for everyone. And if you are divorced there is grace and forgiveness and healing. But as I am sure you will attest to--there is also damage that cannot be undone. If you went through a divorce that you did not want, my heart hurts for you and God wants to put the pieces of your heart back together.

Before you going thinking, Yes, but... but what about this situation? You don't know my situation. Isn't it worse for the children if we stay together when we are always fighting?

I don't have all the answers and I don't know your particular situation. And yes there are some situations that merit divorce. Your situation is between you and your Maker. But you might have a tough time pleading your case before Him-He created marriage and He's for it.

But Wendy! God wants me to be happy so . . .

Please show me that verse in the Bible because I can't find it.

I am not saying that God wants you to be miserable, but if you are a follower of Jesus then follow Him. Pursue Him first, not happiness. Following Him will bring you ultimate peace and joy, but the road to get there is not always easy. Sometimes obeying God is painful and unpleasant at the time. We don't always understand His ways, but He is God. (Isaiah 55:8-9) And God loves you so much. Seek Him.

DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE!

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

Go here for an awesome sermon on marriage by Pastor Chris Brown.

Here are my 3 favorite marriage books:

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr.

For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn

Go here for Part 2 of this Series. Pin It Now!

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Stylin' Saturday - Prepare for Swim & Snow

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Another guest stylist this week. Happens to be the brother of last week's fashionista.

Here's the scenario:

Mom was at hotel with her kiddos. She told the kids to get dressed for breakfast (in regular clothes) and to get their swim clothes together for some swim time after breakfast. Her son was in full-on thoughtful mode and said, "Mom you have a lot to do." So he took care of business and came out sporting this. You know, so mom didn't need to carry the swim clothes down to breakfast. He was already good to go.

His tip to all the moms out there?

"Always be prepared to swim. And to trek through snow. At the same time. Weather is unpredictable and so is breakfast."

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